Medicated, dont know how to end

[nextstepdeath]

Might be feeling slightly better. Maybe that's the right sign that I'm on the way out. I am so gross. I am so weird. Don't turn out like me. Maybe this is the calm before the storm, I'm in so much pain and I can't change the way I've wrecked my public image for good. I wish I could have sorted out my issues like 10 or so years ago. I needed secure experiences with people to sort myself out and work myself out. No one I needed was there for me. I've had to work it out on my own. I am an alien. Being an alien isn't fun, it's too much work and I am feeling ill.

 

[hopemeetshopeless]

I feel that. I hate my body and personality too. I hate everything about myself on every level: physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually. I've fucked up my life beyond my ability to repair and my mental illness has caused me to sabotage and push away some of the only relationships I had with people that even slightly gave af about me. I just keep burning bridges. People just keep abandoning and turning their backs on me, and I can't really blame them. No one wants to be friends or family with a depressed person whos life is completely ran by anxiety and self hatred. This is what it's like to truly be alone.

 

[nextstepdeath]

Maybe it's just me. I sort of don't think I made too many mistakes but I had to go out and find what I needed to an extent that was too much, All I've ever known is people who have at least someone somewhere supporting them externally, be it a friend a love a whatever. Maybe I was selective and tried to focus on people who made me happy. Probably could have done a lot better but I couldn't find people who could make me happy and now I've really fallen behind. Is it even worth it?
I was never happy. Happiness is an eternal struggle for me. I've done everything I can to make myself happy. There is a world out there but if you're unhappy what can you do?