Hi all. I am not 100% sure if I will do it,but I think so. My suffering reached a point where I can't stand it anymore. I can't even describe it, I just want to disappear.
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Hi Emilia you are among friends who understand.
I feel so sad because I didn't want to die, my circumstances forced me to
ClairyFairy
Wizard
- Jan 22, 2021
- 622
Hey @Emilia1012 how come you think you're forced to do this action?
I'm sending you lots of love
I'm sending you lots of love
logan
Warlock
- May 20, 2021
- 705
I feel exactly like you - but I hope you will find a way out from this situation.
That's kind of how I feel as well. I'm so depressed I just see no hope or future and don't want to be here any more, but I feel really bad about how people will react that I leave behind.
I feel the same. I wrote a letter to people leaving behind.
logan
Warlock
- May 20, 2021
- 705
It's the same here. In my case there are real life circumstances I can not fix anymore.
Otherwise I would wait for better times.
Otherwise I would wait for better times.
I wrote to my ex that I am dying (told him I was terminally ill, of course not ctb) and asked to hear him last time. Do you think it was mistake?
No, you just want to be heard. It's hard to keep these feelings for yourself because they build up and that can cause a mental breakdown. We all should have a right to talk about our struggles. I'm sorry life brought you to this. I really understand what it's like. I really do
Thank you so much. It really gives me some relief to be understood. You are an amazing person. My ex didn't reply anyway, I think i will tell my dad today that I am planning on ctb just so he won't be shocked:(No, you just want to be heard. It's hard to keep these feelings for yourself because they build up and that can cause a mental breakdown. We all should have a right to talk about our struggles. I'm sorry life brought you to this. I really understand what it's like. I really do
Maybe he didn't see your message? Or maybe he doesn't know what to reply? Sadly in this society no one wants to hear about suicide, it's such a taboo. If only we could talk freely about it, I'm sure many people would even postpone their suicide and feel less suicidal in general. Sometimes a person needs to vent and release all the feelings. No wonder many suicidal people feel like outcasts. And when someone commits suicide, everyone's like: "Why didn't they ask for help?"... well maybe because nobody wanted to hear about it. It's frustrating. I hope your conversation with your dad will give you some relief.
I completely agree with you. I didn't tell him I was going to ctb anyway, I told him I am dying because of an illness. I guess nobody likes to talk about sad topics and death in general, it's his right , I understand. Thank you so much ❤
Yes many people don't really want to burden themselves with any negative news/feelings. Even on social media everyone's posting motivational quotes "Surround yourself with positive and successful people". It's really tough for those who are less fortunate in this life. Society excludes us and then blame us. At least we have this site, where our feelings aren't invalidated...
Yes it looks like he blocked me. But I don't care anyway I had to try to hear him last time. I understand these people ,they don't understand our suffering so can't relate. I am happy I found here people that do understand
You did your best
at least you tried. It's not your fault he's blocked you. And yes, most people who haven't been in our shoes will never understand it.Do you think SN will be almost painless?You did your best
ClairyFairy
Wizard
- Jan 22, 2021
- 622
I don't know... I think everyone's body reacts to it differently. I've read many threads about it, about people who made goodbye threads and described the whole deal and about people who survived it and got scared. Some say it wasn't that bad, some say it was awful.
People have various reactions to it, but many of those who have followed the regimen seem to pass without much if any pain. I'm looking at using SN as well, or CO in a tent. I haven't the energy to get all the tent stuff together so I think I'll probably go with SN.
Some people who have taken SN and been found have said they remembered nothing until they woke up in the hospital.
Some people who have taken SN and been found have said they remembered nothing until they woke up in the hospital.
I was fasting today but my mother forced me to eat. She started crying "I know you have problems but you have to live, I want to save you". I couldn't stand seeing her cry. I don't want to be saved but don't know what to do
Bedrock48
Dreadful damage, dreadful destiny
- Feb 1, 2021
- 540
You seem a little unsure about your decision, I don't want you to do something you regret. Have you considered talking to a crisis line or trusted person about how you're feeling today.
I was fasting today but my mother forced me to eat. She started crying "I know you have problems but you have to live, I want to save you". I couldn't stand seeing her cry. I don't want to be saved but don't onow
Also I talket to my dad and asked him if he would be ok without me.. he said "I will never be ok without you". It broke ny heartYou did your best
Lost Magic
Illuminated
- May 5, 2020
- 3,201
I can totally relate. I get strong suicidal impulses as well and the feelings are overwhelming. I told my mother (she died over a year ago of cancer) that I didn't want to go on living without her. She understood because she tried to kill herself a few times when she stayed in London. That placed ruined her. She told me that it wasn't an easy thing to do. Obviously wasn't because she lived a fairly long time afterwards. I think (in my case anyway) it is genetic. At least in part. My grandmother tried to end her life too. Anyway, sending love to you. You have people here who care and know what you are going through. xx
I really need to ctb, my suffering is unberable believe me. I don't know what to do with that guilt leaving them
I understand. I wish I had a good advice for you, but I'm in a very simiral situation myself, except it's not about my parents, but about my boyfriend. I feel torn apart. There's really no solution to this situation, someone gets hurt.
I don't know if it's ok but maybe I could send you a private message and tell what happened so I need to ctb?
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 42,355
I think as humans there is only so much suffering we have the capacity to deal with before we fall into despair. We all deserve to find peace and this life can simply be so cruel. It can be hard though to leave because of others. To end our own pain it passes it on to someone else I get that. I wish you the best.
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