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megafire

megafire

burn it down
Oct 12, 2020
89
There are things I want to do in this life, sure. But that want is drowned out by fear, and anxiety, and honestly? the most earnest feeling of being overdue. I tried to do it back in March, right before the shutdown happened, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
And here we are, 7 months later. Circumstances have changed, but the feeling is still there. I lost the only friends I had, got a new boyfriend who I can't confide in (it would just push him away... that's how I lost one of my friends), moved out of my parent's house and into the city, stopped smoking. I'm so unbearably lonely, but every chance I have to make friends, I lose interest immediately. It's a vicious cycle, and one I can't seem to get out of.
Writing down everything that I want to do should have filled me with hope, but instead, it just falls flat, it's shallow. I will always have this voice in my head criticizing every move I do no matter where I am.
Sorry if this is all over the place.

As far as things being better or worse, I couldn't tell ya. My memory is atrocious so I can't really remember the past. When I think back to then, it doesn't feel like me. As for retaining anything in class, forget it. I can't focus, much less absorb new material. I'm more confused than anything and it's so frustrating!!
I've never been so alone either. I've always been kind of a loner, but not out of choice. I'm just no-one's (or a very small few's) cup of tea, and that's something I have to struggle to be okay with. But even so, there was always at least one person there who affirmed me as funny, likable, worthy enough of anyone's attention, etc. It's sad and desperate to think like this, so I keep it to myself. My boyfriend is only with me because he is in the same boat. He's lonely too, and he get's to f*ck me.
But at least I'm out of my parents' place!!
 
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Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Always was, is, and always shall be.
Jun 22, 2020
6,082
My boyfriend is only with me because he is in the same boat. He's lonely too, and he get's to f*ck me.
That's really depressing. You're all he can get. He's all you can get. Makes me want to ctb just hearing it.
 
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fionasparks39

fionasparks39

tired
Apr 15, 2020
16
It's a vicious cycle, and one I can't seem to get out of.

yeah i get this feeling bud.

Writing down everything that I want to do should have filled me with hope, but instead, it just falls flat, it's shallow. I will always have this voice in my head criticizing every move I do no matter where I am.

and this one too. the hardest part about confiding with others tbh is telling them it's not because they fell flat but because we did. we have this voice in our head we can never satisfy and all we want is for it to shut up. offering a hug emoji and a thumbs up because at least you're away from ur parents' place!
 
XYZ

XYZ

I just can’t get these damn wrists to bleed
Jul 22, 2020
800
My bucket list:

1. Buy a bucket
2. Kick it
 
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XYZ

XYZ

I just can’t get these damn wrists to bleed
Jul 22, 2020
800
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woxihuanni

woxihuanni

Illuminated
Aug 19, 2019
3,298
Only if it has a cat in it. Oh wait... you don't like.... cats.... what????? :pfff::pfff::pfff:

(I really like Y O U)

Can't we have a nice puppy? :p I really like you, too!

(Btw, why my emojis not working? :/)
 
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XYZ

XYZ

I just can’t get these damn wrists to bleed
Jul 22, 2020
800
Can't we have a nice puppy? :p I really like you, too!

(Btw, why my emojis not working? :/)

puppies, cats, bats, rats... you name it :pfff:
 
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XYZ

XYZ

I just can’t get these damn wrists to bleed
Jul 22, 2020
800
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fionasparks39

fionasparks39

tired
Apr 15, 2020
16
you both deserve to be happy guys XD have all the puppers and kitties!
 
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