Lying to therapist is a problem? My story

[BasqueClown]

Hi all, have you lied to your therapist about your Suicide thoughts or attempt for being feared to be judged?
I'm very confused right now. I had the last meeting with psychiatrist 1 month ago and in my first session I keep my only attempt at date , perhaps was a error
I'm trying to recovery but it's hard to me, I'm afraid to lose my job because my mental health problems and become even suicidal
That psychiatrist made me took sertraline and amitriptyline, (50 mg and 25 mg each one daily) the first month was okay, the second month so so and I'm having again high episodes of depression, fear of becoming psychotic or something and deciding to kill myself definitely, because I feel stuck in my life and not having any plans of career, partner or else
I'm embarrassed to go to the same psychiatrist, tell the truth and ask for change the antidepressants or the dosages (For not being suspicious for using it to overdose, sincerely I'm tempted to do so)
Okay, two scenarios:
- I go to another therapist, tell the truth AND cheer up to change the dosage without looking suspicious of use as excuse to overdose (or change to another);
- I keep to myself again my attempt but telling the truth about my struggle with suicidal thoughts and it worsened in last month

I frightened about being hospitalized in a psych ward, I'm think that resource will cause mental issues like have psychosis, schizophrenia or something else and end to talk with a Donnie Darko rabbit or another imaginary friend

Seriously, I debating myself between choose death and choose recovery, and is the first time I opened myself as suicidal
A lot of bulls$#/t talk some people against antidepressants and psychiatry, but that's not the reason of my thread
It sucks to being suicidal since teenager but at the same time being too afraid to talk about it for my fuckin shyness and social isolation
Anyway, thanks community, I want to find peace

BasqueClown
(Sorry for the clourophobics, I love circus and clowns, my mom was a Equilibrium artist in her youth, RIP)

 

[lostmyacc]

I don't bother with a therapist because I could only tell them 30% of information about my life without me getting locked up or risking danger. Just not worth it..

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Yes, I have lied to the last therapist I had and kept my membership here a secret from them. The last one I had, I started seeing them back in 2019 after going through a period of being suicidal, but still wanting to get better. It did seem like I was making progress, but towards the beginning of 2020 and beyond, I started coming here and I stopped being as honest with the therapist as I had been before.

Once it became clear that I wasn't making any progress, I decided that recovery wasn't going to work, so when my therapist moved to a new agency, I was offered to begin sessions with a new one, but I cancelled all scheduled appointments and haven't gone back since.