Lying about the reason

[GoingSoonish]

I'm thinking of disclosing a terminal illness in my note as a way to make my ctb less hurtful. I don't know about whether a family has a right to access your medical information. Does anyone know anything about this?

 

[Morning Angel]

Interesting question. Do you think your family will believe it without prior knowledge of your medical issues?

 

[GoingSoonish]

They would want to believe it as the alternative would be very painful. I could say that i am in the very early stages and want to leave before i start to develop symptoms. The key thing is whether they would have access to my medical information. I don't know if they would go as far as to try to verify it themselves (but they might, who knows).

 

[Wantingpeace]

Great idea but my family woild never believe me

 

[Sayo]

Potentially. It depends on where you live and who keeps the records. For example, if your records would be kept in public health services, or they would have a record of your health stuff for whatever reason (e.g. welfare), then the government may be able to disclose them if a request is made under the relevant act. Private and third-party providers will have their own policies which they'll abide by. People concerned in inheritance (the executor of a will, and in some places, people who may have a claim on your estate) can also make requests to some places for information related to their claim.

Your doctor does owe you confidentiality, so all of this will have to be legally managed, and it gets a lot less easy for them if it's unrelated to estate stuff, but compassionate grounds can also have this kind of thing disclosed, maybe. I don't know if they'd do it based on the effect it might have and judging your wishes.

Your best hope in situations like these is not the providers denying them, but that they are willing to let sleeping dogs lie.

Now here's some unsolicited advice that I give not because I'm telling you not to do this, but because your post is short and I don't know your relatives, so I'm just erring on the cautious side. Feel free to ignore it. Anyway, do you know if it would actually make it less hurtful? I'm sure there are many families it would for, but consider how people actually often react to terminal illnesses: hope and denial and trying everything. People often try to get you to try weird homeopathic stuff and are always looking for a miracle cure or telling you to hold on for one, etc. They have trouble accepting it and giving up, especially in the early stages when they're still in shock. It's possible that they may view a terminal illness exactly the same way as whatever your motives for ctb are. It may be just as painful because they will have viewed it as ceding all the chances you still had to get a second opinion or whatever (which is also how people view ctb). Only you can judge, unfortunately. I empathise with you wanting to minimise the pain to your loved ones.

And don't lie about anything that can have a genetic component because wanting to check that you're at risk for something / seeking genetic counselling is a very good reason in most people's eyes for wanting medical records.

 

[GoingSoonish]

Potentially. It depends on where you live and who keeps the records. For example, if your records would be kept in public health services, or they would have a record of your health stuff for whatever reason (e.g. welfare), then the government may be able to disclose them if a request is made under the relevant act. Private and third-party providers will have their own policies which they'll abide by. People concerned in inheritance (the executor of a will, and in some places, people who may have a claim on your estate) can also make requests to some places for information related to their claim.

Your doctor does owe you confidentiality, so all of this will have to be legally managed, and it gets a lot less easy for them if it's unrelated to estate stuff, but compassionate grounds can also have this kind of thing disclosed, maybe. I don't know if they'd do it based on the effect it might have and judging your wishes.

Your best hope in situations like these is not the providers denying them, but that they are willing to let sleeping dogs lie.

Now here's some unsolicited advice that I give not because I'm telling you not to do this, but because your post is short and I don't know your relatives, so I'm just erring on the cautious side. Feel free to ignore it. Anyway, do you know if it would actually make it less hurtful? I'm sure there are many families it would for, but consider how people actually often react to terminal illnesses: hope and denial and trying everything. People often try to get you to try weird homeopathic stuff and are always looking for a miracle cure or telling you to hold on for one, etc. They have trouble accepting it and giving up, especially in the early stages when they're still in shock. It's possible that they may view a terminal illness exactly the same way as whatever your motives for ctb are. It may be just as painful because they will have viewed it as ceding all the chances you still had to get a second opinion or whatever (which is also how people view ctb). Only you can judge, unfortunately. I empathise with you wanting to minimise the pain to your loved ones.

And don't lie about anything that can have a genetic component because wanting to check that you're at risk for something / seeking genetic counselling is a very good reason in most people's eyes for wanting medical records.

Thank you -- I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and provide me with a long reply. It seems like this is more of a legal question than anything else. I will investigate the laws in my country to find out about my rights.

I am fairly confident that my family will react better as the blame for my ctb will be something external and uncontrollable (the onset of the fictional terminal illness). If they knew that i am (physically) healthy, they would be traumatized by thinking about the fact that i threw many years of my life away. They might then speculate about my true reasons and perhaps blame themselves (for either causing my depression or failing to pick up signs before i ctbd). It would certainly be a rough situation for them (regardless of what i do) but I think that this way has a chance of making the process that tiny bit easier for them. There is something about ctb creates a strong reaction in people who want to live. I think that they can better empathise and process the event if there is a terminal illness involved. I think that the (slow but steady) reform around euthanasia shows that people are more accepting of ctb if someone is terminally ill.

I may even look into the legal effect of an explicit request to keep my medical information confidential (though i probably won't do this as it would arouse suspicion). Thanks again for the response.

 

[Sayo]

Thank you -- I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and provide me with a long reply. It seems like this is more of a legal question than anything else. I will investigate the laws in my country to find out about my rights.

I am fairly confident that my family will react better as the blame for my ctb will be something external and uncontrollable (the onset of the fictional terminal illness). If they knew that i am (physically) healthy, they would be traumatized by thinking about the fact that i threw many years of my life away. They might then speculate about my true reasons and perhaps blame themselves (for either causing my depression or failing to pick up signs before i ctbd). It would certainly be a rough situation for them (regardless of what i do) but I think that this way has a chance of making the process that tiny bit easier for them.

I may even look into the legal effect (if any) of an explicit request to keep my medical information confidential (though i probably won't do this as it would arouse suspicion).

+1 to looking up your local laws and the policies of the health services you use. Hopefully you can find a solution to retain your privacy and bring everyone, including yourself, maximum possible reassurance.

And no worries, it's a very interesting topic. I can understand why you would be motivated to do this, as many people find closure and acceptance easier from physical illnesses as you described. Of course you understand your family best.