I watched him again... it might sound masochistic. I know we're over, I know there's nothing between us anymore, we're strangers now... but it still hurts.
Watching him enjoy his life, so far away, so radiant, looking so happy... I should be happy too. But I can't. I'm drowning in pain. The affection and love I once felt for him have turned dark.
I can't even look at him without feeling miserable. I wish I could go back to him, wish I could feel as good as i used to. But I can't. It hurts so much to see him... ugh I can't even define what I feel now when I look at him.
Anyway, he has everything now, and I have nothing. I blame myself for it all. I could never measure up to him. I want to die. I have N with me... it's such a temptation to have it here in my room. And yet, like an idiot, I still hope to see him one last time. Like I still hope he'll save me
It's stupid, I know. I know I should forget him.
He used to be a reason to keep living... now he's just another reason to die.
Watching him enjoy his life, so far away, so radiant, looking so happy... I should be happy too. But I can't. I'm drowning in pain. The affection and love I once felt for him have turned dark.
I can't even look at him without feeling miserable. I wish I could go back to him, wish I could feel as good as i used to. But I can't. It hurts so much to see him... ugh I can't even define what I feel now when I look at him.
Anyway, he has everything now, and I have nothing. I blame myself for it all. I could never measure up to him. I want to die. I have N with me... it's such a temptation to have it here in my room. And yet, like an idiot, I still hope to see him one last time. Like I still hope he'll save me
It's stupid, I know. I know I should forget him.
He used to be a reason to keep living... now he's just another reason to die.
