Venting Love will never be safe for me.

[anopenwound]

My therapist keeps on telling me that grief is a part of love but god, this grief, this is something that goes far beyond manageable. I don't get to feel the levity of it, I don't get to spontaneously and easily lean on someone, I don't get to just have butterflies in my stomach. I'm too much for anybody to handle. I don't blame them. I wouldn't want this either.

I can't do love, I will never have love. It's a prison. Feeling it for others makes me feel trapped. Others can't have it for me 'cause I always find a way to turn it into dust. I terrorize my friends. I traumatize whoever is unfortunate enough to have me in their life.

I don't want it. I need it, but I don't want it. I don't want life. This isn't even much of a life anyway. There's no point.

I will never have love.

 

[lack]

i agree. it feels like love is just not safe, full stop. it's a trap.

 

[KillingPain267]

You cannot "have love", you can only give love.

 

[anopenwound]

Giving it makes me feel broken. Sick. Diseased.

 

[CTB Dream]

V sry this lov make vulne this life all trap

 

[willow115]

I completely understand.