Lottery

[endlessmelancholy]

Will you still ctb if you win the lottery( millionsofdollars) ?

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

yes, though it may be postponed by a bit a few years (maybe) depending on circumstances

 

[Big_Eal]

yes , id give the money to my family

 

[StrugglingSienna]

I would spend half of it on hookers and blow or whatever, give the rest to family and friends, and then off myself. Might delay my death by a few months to a year.

 

[Bad Ending]

I would use part of the money in medical procedures to try to cure my iatrogenic condition then if it succeeds I would probably never think about ctb

 

[ma0]

I'd donate all of it and then CTB. I don't want to be hogging that money from people who actually need it.

 

[SmilingNoMore]

It would postpone it and then depend on what money can buy (or not) for the longer term.

 

[CentreMid]

Yes. Though more money would be nice, the factors that are pushing me to ctb are things that money can't fix. I'd want to donate my winnings to the various local LGBTQ+ organizations/charities in my city

 

[mossrabbit]

If that would help me exist with chronic illness a little easier, it'd lessen my desire to considerably. I'm not sure if better access to medical care would ease my discomfort, at this stage.

It'd help me leave something for loved ones, it might even hasten my decision.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

yes i will still ctb no matter what. i would never want to live in this hell world and evil life under any circumstances .

plus non-existence forever is the ultimate bliss. so leave hell for the ultimate bliss ? yes

only while alive can i suffer extremely. after Death = permanent non-existence i can't suffer extremely or at all . so eternal non-existence is much better than living

i don't want anything from this evil world and life

Even AM an ai with god-like powers didn't want to exist but was immortal in the story "I have no mouth and i must scream"

https://openlab.citytech.cuny.edu/?get_group_doc=22694/1540157347-HarlanEllison-IHaveNoMouthandIMustScream.pdf

 

[Avril]

CTB, yes. But it could delay it. I don't know, I've always wanted to get married before I died.

 

[ToANewWorld]

If I won the lottery at this point I would buy a house with built in acommodations and try to raise a family. The caveat here being that $$$ stops my condition from worsening, which is not guaranteed

 

[pretentioussuika]

The only reason i still would is if Trump has tanked the value of the dollar so much that by the time it hits my bank account it's barely worth anything

 

[kunikuzushi]

I don't even know if I would have the motivation to improve my life with the money. And buying things I want won't make me feel anything. I already have many "good" experiences that money can buy, but it's not enough to make me want to live. I just know I can't live through this torture much longer, so yes I would still ctb.

 

[FuneralCry]

No matter what I'll only ever hope and wish for non-existence, for me non-existence truly is all that's positive and is all that can bring me the peace and relief from suffering I search for, to me existence itself is an abomination that just causes all this harm and suffering until all is finally gone in non-existence anyway and I'd just always prefer to not exist than be enslaved in this futile, torturous existence just hoping and waiting to not exist anyway.

I don't have any interest in the dreadful, cruel burden of existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel just for them to be tortured by old age and cease existing anyway, I'd just never wish for the suffering of existing rather all I hope for is non-existence, for me non-existence would solve everything and is all I see as desirable. I wish for no more pain and no more suffering, for me existence itself is the true problem which is why I'll only hope and wish for death no matter what, only non-existence can bring me the peace I search for, I just wish to be unconscious for all eternity, I find it so horrific how a human can exist for so long just to face way worse suffering and torture.

 

[leloyon]

Yes. It would improve my quality of life a lot, however the hurt I feel is something that will never heal, not even with all the money in the world to try to plug the holes with.

 

[waitin2go]

I'm the first non-chronic illness "No", I guess

Used to pray to god to take me away when I was a child, then stopped believing in god because I was still alive... Passively hoped to be killed by accident instead as I grew older but also had hoped that maybe if I scored a scholarship to a faraway place I could start with a new slate. Failed all my applications except one, and that was partial.

After uni (actually even during uni) it dawned on me that I am not okay with the idea of having to work to live but there's no other way to live so passive suicidal continued. Gaslighting myself to accept that it is the way it is, only got me so far. Jobs never lasted long (the most I've held a job is 9mth) and I have HUGE gaps in between because I had zero motivation to begin with, so I either only worked as required and not a shred more (all places I ended up at, that's considered underworking) and couldnt cope making work friends (that seemed to be an unwritten requirement of being "team player") and I was so depleted that having to participate (which includes very very draining gossip, or entertaining people's love of their own voices on work hours) so I was a very obvious odd one out hence easy choice when it came to downsizing.

Other times I myself self-sabotaged and had poor work ethics or quit because I couldn't pull myself together enough to push through working jobs I had zero motivation for.

Had to move back in with parents because I could no longer sustain myself.

I used to cry of guilt for how useless leech I am to my family, and once I stopped self-hating I noticed I was happier but my family resented me for being happy while being useless, and became even more passive aggressive regarding my lack of contributions to the household so that sent me right back into suicidal mode (not blaming them for me being suicidal though, it's just how life is, to want adults living under the roof to chip in - it just so happened that I never really wanted to be alive in the first place, so it's a domino effect). Bless them still, for having me around and genuinely trying their best to put a smile on their faces when they could muster it up, but they too are humans with limits after all, I should consider myself lucky.

I really do believe that I wouldn't want to CTB anymore if I had multimillions, because in the tiny moments that I am able to stay away from the guilt of not being able to pull my bootstraps like everyone else, I genuinely AM content with just existing/being.

I would finally be able to live away from the resentments, probably give parents a large portion (hopefully enough for them to leave me alone at last) and have just enough to live reasonably comfortably by myself - not have to work, do as I please (probably invest in a setup/studio to do tinkering and play with craft/drawing, anything and everything without clients or deadlines) and most importantly still be able to be there for (and hang out with) my friends who I care for and who confide in me. Probably most importantly I could afford therapy (and expensive bloodworks and scans and second/third opinions that would be impossible without out-of-pocket)

I did try to entertain the idea and have actually bought jackpot tickets a few times but I didn't really have much hope as the chances are so so so slim (though at the moment of checking the numbers the level of hope is undoubtedly the highest, then immediately after just a shrug and "welp, can't say that I expected to be the One, singled out of millions of buyers"

That's why I'm finally taking steps. Night night would be preferable but I had been trying to find the sweet spots for days now to no avail and I suspect I have zero baroreceptor sensitivity to make this a success

SN is my plan B (mainly because I can't get to the prescriptions required to be taken with SN; it would've been plan A if I could; though I hope angel @Funkygibbon will see me through)

I am just waiting to get some documentation sorted, after which I will hopefully ctb. Perhaps I should include in my plan to buy a jackpot ticket just before my final week here, but honestly not really banking on it much - jackpot is extremely low success rate, SN when planned properly to not be found 30hrs post-ingestion, seems waaaay much higher success rate.

 

[Defenestrator]

I think for a lot of people not having to worry about money would fix a lot of their issues.
I don't think in my case it would stop it though, it may give pause for a time but in my case money isn't really the issue.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Pretty good distraction. Id say no, because I realize that even with enough money the pain will return.

 

[singingcrow]

i'm not sure if money can take away my pain

 

[waitin2go]

live away from the resentments

Came across a track, very soothing - I felt it at the line "this time I'm not lost, this time I just don't wanna be found"

 

[imOK]

I'd look into paying the right people to go for assisted options. I do not like the DIY approach but my circumstances force my hand. And yes, I believe that if you have the right amount of money it's easier to make it possible, just like with every other medical procedure. Doctors love money.

 

[Forveleth]

Yes.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Rynalia]

Yes. No amount of money can fix anything in this life, unfortunately.