Venting Losing patience......

[Catching_the_bus]

I fucking hate this.... I want it to be over already... Everyday I wake up physically ill with the idea of existing another day in this hellish world... This life is pointless and useless and I just want out!! I still have plenty of SN to end it all along with the other medications needed for the protocol however I can't just act without planning because if I fail again I am fucked. I am getting increasingly irritated at the thought of breathing... My hate grows more intense with every breath I take... I can't handle another day of this existence. This world is hell... I hate everything about existence. Why can't there be an easier way. I'M FUCKING SICK OF IT!!!

 

[Dying Alive 00]

I fucking hate this.... I want it to be over already... Everyday I wake up physically ill with the idea of existing another day in this hellish world... This life is pointless and useless and I just want out!! I still have plenty of SN to end it all along with the other medications needed for the protocol however I can't just act without planning because if I fail again I am fucked. I am getting increasingly irritated at the thought of breathing... My hate grows more intense with every breath I take... I can't handle another day of this existence. This world is hell... I hate everything about existence. Why can't there be an easier way. I'M FUCKING SICK OF IT!!!

It's really awful that you're suffering so terribly. The living world is a trap that does not want to let go without a fight and it should not be like that. Do you want to say more about the difficulties you're facing with planning as you say you do have all the parts that you need?

 

[Catching_the_bus]

It's really awful that you're suffering so terribly. The living world is a trap that does not want to let go without a fight and it should not be like that. Do you want to say more about the difficulties you're facing with planning as you say you do have all the parts that you need?

I recently had a failed attempt with SN due to being found by my neighbor too soon... I live alone with my child so as long as I can find childcare for her I guess it's not necessarily a high chance of being found.... My last failure was definitely just pure bad luck but for some reason I still can't get rid of the fear that I will be found and that has Increased my SI tremendously... Also it would be much harder to find child care due to my last attempt and the fact that everyone who I trust with my child knows I would never Ctb with her in the house... I just feel so stuck...

 

[FuneralCry]

It's very much understandable just wishing to finally be free from existing here, existing in this world certainly is torturous and unnecessary so of course it should be easier for us to be gone. I hope that you eventually find the freedom that you search for.

 

[Dying Alive 00]

I recently had a failed attempt with SN due to being found by my neighbor too soon... I live alone with my child so as long as I can find childcare for her I guess it's not necessarily a high chance of being found.... My last failure was definitely just pure bad luck but for some reason I still can't get rid of the fear that I will be found and that has Increased my SI tremendously... Also it would be much harder to find child care due to my last attempt and the fact that everyone who I trust with my child knows I would never Ctb with her in the house... I just feel so stuck...

That sounds horrendous and I'm sorry you're so trapped and suffering. Hopefully you'll be able to sort the timings suitably for everyone. From what I've read, nearly all the failed attempts were due to medical intervention in some form so I can very much understand that fear.

 

[stoopid]

Try to imagine your death instead of the day, that comforts me a lot.

 

[Mizoppo911]

This world is like purgatory, we are in a waiting room waiting to die. I'm sorry for your pain. There is no help that is useful, everything is painful. The more people make you put it off, the more pain you experience which turns into anger and rage. This life is not good, sometimes you just need to escape and go back to the comfort in nothing.

Medication works for a little however, it can only do so much, and medication in my experience, makes me feel like a robot. I'd honestly sometimes rather not take medicine and deal with the feeling of depression than take it.

Every hobby is just putting off the inevitable feeling of death. Again I'm sorry you're suffering even more than you need to in this world.