Venting lonely

[lonelygirl111]

going to vent a bit. i was with my boyfriend last night and since i came home i have felt so alone. lately being around people makes me feel more alone than i do when i am actually by myself. it feels so terrible. there i am laying next to him, holding him, watching a movie. and i feel like a stranger in my own body. i feel like he is a stranger too. i feel alone and far away. and i don't say anything about it. my boyfriend is a bit of an unemotional guy, he doesn't like to hear it from me. so i don't feel comfortable to say anything anymore. i just wanted to cry and have him ask me what is wrong so i can finally be me. i'm really tired of acting like something that i am not and i think this is what makes feel lonely? he is my bf of three years, my best and only friend and yet i feel like he doesn't know me at all. i feel like this with everyone now. maybe that is my fault, i'm not really good at being real. when i'm around people and i begin to speak all i hear is a stranger talking. i actually get disgusted hearing myself make normal conversation when i'm not normal at all inside. i don't recognize things i say. even alone i am starting to feel like this too. i don't like being with myself. i wish there was a place i could go where i wouldn't feel so lonely or uncomfortable. i wish my boyfriend could see through me enough that he could make me be me again, make me feel not so alone. or that i could fall and hit my head and get up normal again. i know that's not the way life works though i just feel out of control and i don't really know what to do or say or even feel. don't know if i make any sense. i just feel stranded. i want to go to sleep and wake back up when i don't feel so bad anymore.

 

[Capsaicin78]

Can't you just trust him with all of your problems? He is your boyfriend after all, he should know stuff like this and help you get through it.
Unfortunately the feeling of loneliness is part of depression...
Sorry that your are suffering so much

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are going through this. I know that for many people, loneliness can be painful. I've never liked being with myself as well which is why I find the thought of non existence to be comforting. It can certainly be an depressing existence where there is no escape from ourselves and our thoughts as long as we live.
I wish you relief.

 

[Rounded Apathy]

Being lonely when alone is bad, but lonely in the company of others can be worse. Especially with someone who is supposed to be your rock. Sounds like a really tough spot, and wish I had some practical advice...but sadly I'm struggling in a similar situation and don't know what to do.

 

[lonelygirl111]

Can't you just trust him with all of your problems? He is your boyfriend after all, he should know stuff like this and help you get through it.
Unfortunately the feeling of loneliness is part of depression...
Sorry that your are suffering so much

its okay, thank you for even responding. i have trusted him in the past. in the beginning i was met with supportive responses but after a while it seemed like i just killed his mood. i think i make him uncomfortable. and yes i think it's the hardest part of depression, can't seem to escape it.

 

[Wormfood]

Take that vulnerability leap. It's a risk but it's the only way to feel connected.

 

[brokensea]

I feel like that too. I have to be so fake and not myself around people and act like I'm not depressed I feel more lonely than when I'm by myself and can stop pretending and just be depressed.

If your boyfriend can't be supportive maybe someone else can be or even a counselor. People don't want to deal with problems it brings them down they seem to have a short attention span for it and want to move on. So maybe someone outside of it all can help.

 

[S like suicide]

my boyfriend is a bit of an unemotional guy, he doesn't like to hear it from me. so i don't feel comfortable to say anything anymore. i just wanted to cry and have him ask me what is wrong so i can finally be me.

This doesn't sound right...you should be free to talk and express your feeling especially in a relationship of love but i also know how hard depression can be to deal with for people that live next a depressed person.
This feeling of lonliness you talk about...oh Jesus i know it so well and God if it hurts a lot...i feel you...i felt it for years and years,then someone loved me and this put some warmth in my heart,i had a cold hole inside me before and it made me bleed constantly

 

[lonelygirl111]

Being lonely when alone is bad, but lonely in the company of others can be worse. Especially with someone who is supposed to be your rock. Sounds like a really tough spot, and wish I had some practical advice...but sadly I'm struggling in a similar situation and don't know what to do.

im very sorry you are in a similar situation. i think it's so hard to figure out what to do and it can be so depressing. i hope we can both find relief and peacefulness soon, maybe even happiness

I feel like that too. I have to be so fake and not myself around people and act like I'm not depressed I feel more lonely than when I'm by myself and can stop pretending and just be depressed.

If your boyfriend can't be supportive maybe someone else can be or even a counselor. People don't want to deal with problems it brings them down they seem to have a short attention span for it and want to move on. So maybe someone outside of it all can help.

yes. its almost relieving to be by yourself again where you no longer have to act. but ultimately makes you feel even lonelier when you realize that you can't even be yourself around people anymore. thank you for your advice, im looking into therapy so i can get help without burdening those around me, your right people do seem to want to move on and not deal with it. i hope we are both able to be ourselves soon. everyone on here deserves so much happiness.

 

[Jumper Seoirse]

Look this is SS, not a lonely maybe move in with him whatever you do, don't listen to my Youtube vid, I did warn you, trust him he will be fine



Cheers

Geo

 

[lonelygirl111]

This doesn't sound right...you should be free to talk and express your feeling especially in a relationship of love but i also know how hard depression can be to deal with for people that live next a depressed person.
This feeling of lonliness you talk about...oh Jesus i know it so well and God if it hurts a lot...i feel you...i felt it for years and years,then someone loved me and this put some warmth in my heart,i had a cold hole inside me before and it made me bleed constantly

thank you. yes i think it's hard for him to deal with it and i see that so i don't want to bring any unhappiness into his life by speaking of it. but at the same time all i want is to feel that warmth and comfort that you are talking about. i know love could not rid me of depression but i think to be loved and accepted by someone is one of the greatest gifts in the world. i'm so glad to hear that you now have someone who loves you and who brings warmth to your heart. we all deserve this kind of love in our lives

Look this is SS, not a lonely maybe move in with him whatever you do, don't listen to my Youtube vid, I did warn you, trust him he will be fine



Cheers

Geo

thank you. the song is sad but cute Lol

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I remember before sinking into this state of mind Being somewhat impatient with people who were feeling low… I had girlfriends who were distraught and I was less than entirely sympathetic… I didn't understand how to connect… You're looking for connection…

 

[lonelygirl111]

I remember before sinking into this state of mind Being somewhat impatient with people who were feeling low… I had girlfriends who were distraught and I was less than entirely sympathetic… I didn't understand how to connect… You're looking for connection…

its okay. knowing how to connect is a gift, it is hard to connect. i think many people are impatient and unsympathetic mostly because they can't understand. i'm sorry you have slipped into a low state of mind. i genuinely hope you are able to come out of it and feel peace

 

[S like suicide]

thank you. yes i think it's hard for him to deal with it and i see that so i don't want to bring any unhappiness into his life by speaking of it. but at the same time all i want is to feel that warmth and comfort that you are talking about. i know love could not rid me of depression but i think to be loved and accepted by someone is one of the greatest gifts in the world. i'm so glad to hear that you now have someone who loves you and who brings warmth to your heart. we all deserve this kind of love in our lives

Thank you:)
We all deserve it,yes....absolutly!
You deserve it....you deserve that warmth in the heart