annxietty
“Is there no way out of the mind?”
- Mar 27, 2023
- 177
Since my mom died at the beginning of the month Ive felt more alone than ever, she was the person I would call to talk to and just knowing she was there made a huge difference, I used to read people's threads about being lonely here, and while I could identify myself in quite some things, my mom was the person that made me not feel as lonely... now that she is gone I have no one to talk to and honestly Ive done this to myself, I run away from relationships, Im afraid of having conections.... Im pretty much always at home in my room.... so yeah...
The past 4 days I was completely alone at my home, didnt speak to anyone at all, my sister went on a trip and I was left here. Every night I had nightmares where my mom is dead, only to wake up and remember is the reality, I tried calling my dad but his mom (my grandma) has cancer and he has his own things to care about, he yelled at me cuz I was talking about myself and he had enough to think about, then he called me back to apologize but mantained the fact that he had enough things in his mind... my sister came back yesterday, today we were already arguing. You see, I pay a psychiatrist and I failed to contact him when he told me to contact him, I ran out of medication so I urgently called him and apologized, tried to tell him I had things in my mind and honestly couldnt contact him earlier, told him I stopped taking my meds a week ago cuz I didnt have the recipe to buy them at the pharmacy, he got angry asf and told me that I made all our work disappear, back to the starting line, cuz I stopped taking my meds for a week, and he kept going and going on it for like 5 mins non-stop, while I know I am to blame I dont feel comfortable being treated this way by someone I pay (and not a small amount). I told all this to my sister and she started arguing, saying I have 0 sense of responsability, that I always say sorry but never fix my conduct, she yelled so loud her baby started crying, I just stood there, she started putting words in my mouth and when I tried to correct her she yelled louder, I ran to my room and cried for half an hour.
I am lonely asf, im gonna do some self harm after a year of not doing any, thanks for reading this... I really miss my mother.
The past 4 days I was completely alone at my home, didnt speak to anyone at all, my sister went on a trip and I was left here. Every night I had nightmares where my mom is dead, only to wake up and remember is the reality, I tried calling my dad but his mom (my grandma) has cancer and he has his own things to care about, he yelled at me cuz I was talking about myself and he had enough to think about, then he called me back to apologize but mantained the fact that he had enough things in his mind... my sister came back yesterday, today we were already arguing. You see, I pay a psychiatrist and I failed to contact him when he told me to contact him, I ran out of medication so I urgently called him and apologized, tried to tell him I had things in my mind and honestly couldnt contact him earlier, told him I stopped taking my meds a week ago cuz I didnt have the recipe to buy them at the pharmacy, he got angry asf and told me that I made all our work disappear, back to the starting line, cuz I stopped taking my meds for a week, and he kept going and going on it for like 5 mins non-stop, while I know I am to blame I dont feel comfortable being treated this way by someone I pay (and not a small amount). I told all this to my sister and she started arguing, saying I have 0 sense of responsability, that I always say sorry but never fix my conduct, she yelled so loud her baby started crying, I just stood there, she started putting words in my mouth and when I tried to correct her she yelled louder, I ran to my room and cried for half an hour.
I am lonely asf, im gonna do some self harm after a year of not doing any, thanks for reading this... I really miss my mother.
