Venting Loneliness, just venting

[amelis]

Since I started online school I have never been lonelier in my life. I didn't have friends in the first place, but at least I had some interactions with people. Started pushing my online friends away too. When I do meet people online I have to lie about my loneliness, as I've been made fun of it in the past. It all feels fake. I'm genuinely so pathetic, I cringe when I think about it.
I've become so used to this isolating feeling that whenever I'm around a lot of people I freak out. Everyone that knew me already thinks I'm crazy. The only emotions I have left are annoyance and pure loneliness.
My life has barely started, yet I'm nearing the end and I have accomplished nothing except ruin the lives of people around me.

fun

 

[pinkbluebutch]

I don't mean to influence you but I am sure you havent ruined anyone aorund you. If your interactions were as small as you say they couldnt have hurt anyone that badly so no need to make it big. Im sorry you feel so alone. We all know what its like. We are all alone, at the end of the day, because we are forced to be. I want you to know I love you, no matter who you are. I love you so much and I want you to be okay. Life is so so hard but at least we have each other and I want you to feel okay. I want you to know I love you if only for the minutes it takes me to write this reply it is because I am loving you so much. I love you and you are so much more than what you feel.
THAT SOUNDED SO LAME LMAOOOO BUT FR YOU ARE SO SWAG BABE SORRY IM TIPSY I JUSt CANT GET OVER HOW MUCH YOUR POST MADE ME WANT TO LOVE YOUUUUU

 

[aforestfire]

i totally understand what you're saying, even tho i've been feeling lonely since before online school; i am terrified of people bullying/making fun/leaving me, so i started avoiding everyone.
isolating is hell, and is addictive, the deeper i go into this more impossible it seems to get out. i'm sorry you're going through this, and i'm sorry for not having any advice, i know it's painful, no one deserves to be alone. i hope you can get out of this alive, but if that doesn't happen, i wish you peace either way.

 

[avoid_slow_death]

Definitely understand where you are coming from. It's like you want to interact, bond and have that comfort of people who care, but they just don't understand. And maybe it's just you. Maybe it isn't. These constant thoughts run over and over and eventually you start questioning your worthiness....yeah, I definitely understand where you are at and it's horribly isolating. My heart goes out to you.

 

[SectOfValtiel]

thats how i feel too
like i ruin everyones lives if i stick around them too long
that and the fact that most people leave or abandon me before even a year is why i isolate
also the fact that the past two relationships i was in ended in hell, and as much as i would love to shift blame and throw them under the bus, at least with my first ex it was prob 75% just me being a bad person, so...

i dont really have any friends left
im too scared theyre going to hurt me or im going to hurt them to make efforts towards getting new ones...
basically just wait for someone to reach out or something haha but thats not happening, not even here where arguably the most people understand the shit im dealing with
idk
it hurts way way worse but i think being alone is easier in the end
it means less names added to the list of people i miss after all
it means im limiting the amount i burden others
thats all i really know how to do right now

 

[flagmaster]

You're not alone here.
I know I only present as words on a screen and it probably won't make any significant impact on what you're going through. But I struggle with loneliness too, even though I choose to be alone. I want to be liked.. and I try and adapt to people around me even though this feels like I am faking my personality. I can't find any genuine connections and I feel emotionally and mentally drained when I am forced to interact with others. My mind races… and I am constantly over analysing the whole conversation and thinking of the next response.

I feel the most lonely when I'm surrounded by people I just find so difficult to engage with. I feel like a freak, an outcast and that I don't belong.

I just thought I'd share a little about me to give you some insight that you're not alone with feeling lonely. Every situation is different though.. and you never really know how the people around you are feeling. You might see someone who seems confident, fun and highly extroverted - but they could be putting on a front and feel really lost and lonely too. You never know.

Which is why we all just have to try and be nice, and be there for one another. It's the lonely ones who have the biggest hearts. Keep strong.. and feel free to vent anytime. You're safe here