Loneliness is unbearable

[meowcat]

I keep going back and forth between hope for the future and no hope for anything.
And i'm in a place where I have no real friends .Frankly nobody even wants to pick up my calls.
I have no friends or family anymore
I want to die.
If I could just ctb right now,
But the only means i have is SN and I don't want to try it because it looks nasty.
And I'm not sure if it would even work.
I feel like crap,someone nobody cares about.
the only place where i can talk about this is here.

 

[Whatiwantiswhatiwas]

I keep going back and forth between hope for the future and no hope for anything.
And i'm in a place where I have no real friends .Frankly nobody even wants to pick up my calls.
I have no f
If I could just friends or family anymore.
I want to die.
If I could just ctb right now,
But the only means i have is SN and I don't want to try it because it looks nasty.
And I'm not sure if it would even work.
I feel like crap,someone nobody cares about.
the only place where i can talk about this is here.

I'm sorry you are feeling like this way. I completely feel your pain. I have my SN and I want to leave. I'm doing the acid reducer regime at the moment but I also did it afew weeks ago and didn't go ahead as it's scary as fuck!

It's horrible isn't it. Just wanting to end it to stop this pain but being torn and Just so scared!

You are right this the only place other people can relate! Hugs! X

 

[Whatiwantiswhatiwas]

it's awful I've had friends seriously fuck me over for money or literally just turn their back on for me no reason. The rejection and loneliness sure adds fuel to the fire of not wanting to be on this planet!

 

[meowcat]

I'm sorry you are feeling like this way. I completely feel your pain. I have my SN and I want to leave. I'm doing the acid reducer regime at the moment but I also did it afew weeks ago and didn't go ahead as it's scary as fuck!

It's horrible isn't it. Just wanting to end it to stop this pain but being torn and Just so scared!

You are right this the only place other people can relate! Hugs! X

Yes .Thank you.I'm crying because of your empathy.

 

[meowcat]

IT's so lonely this world,at least for me

 

[bigj75]

You've got to get to the point where you are ok being alone. But that doesn't mean friends aren't important. Do you have a job?

 

[meowcat]

I;m scared of taking the SN.It feels like rat poison or something.Something real nasty.

 

[meowcat]

You've got to get to the point where you are ok being alone. But that doesn't mean friends aren't important. Do you have a job?

No but I have enough money to survive for a couple of years.No job because I did'nt ever specialise or last into any jobs.

 

[meowcat]

Another crying spell and take sleep meds and go to sleep I guess.I wish the sleep meds could help ctb.But the freaking Pychiatrists are very careful about what they prescribe.They don't give you phenobarbital or anything that might be mildly death friendly.

 

[meowcat]

At least i get sleep meds so i can sleep

 

[meowcat]

Then tommorrow is another day.

 

[meowcat]

I'm sorry you are feeling like this way. I completely feel your pain. I have my SN and I want to leave. I'm doing the acid reducer regime at the moment but I also did it afew weeks ago and didn't go ahead as it's scary as fuck!

It's horrible isn't it. Just wanting to end it to stop this pain but being torn and Just so scared!

You are right this the only place other people can relate! Hugs! X

 

[meowcat]

Yeah.Thank you for being here for me.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I;m scared of taking the SN.It feels like rat poison or something.Something real nasty.

Hi @meowcat, I think that this is a common human reaction to the concept of consuming something that is essentially not good for us. Have you opened your SN and does it have a smell that you are finding off putting? Can you mask it with anything? On here it seems people are managing to swallow it fine.

 

[bigj75]

No but I have enough money to survive for a couple of years.No job because I did'nt ever specialise or last into any jobs.

Ok. From my experience where you spend most of your time at is where you have opportunity to make friends. For me it was my work. I would see coworkers outside of work at bars, restaurants, or clubs. It was nice to hang out with them. Side you don't have a job you could try a hobby that would lead you to interaction with people so you can make friends.

 

[Whatiwantiswhatiwas]

Yeah.Thank you for being here for me.

anytime! :) hugs! I hope we manage some way out of this hole!

 

[meowcat]

anytime! :) hugs! I hope we manage some way out of this hole!

Welcome to the Hotel California!

 

[JustAboutDone]

Yeah.Thank you for being here for me.

There is usually someone here 24/7 so please don't ever feel alone, I can't bear to think of you all alone, crying :-( @meowcat do you have any hobbies?

 

[meowcat]

Hi @meowcat, I think that this is a common human reaction to the concept of consuming something that is essentially not good for us. Have you opened your SN and does it have a smell that you are finding off putting? Can you mask it with anything? On here it seems people are managing to swallow it fine.

No but the posts that i've read here about it makes me feel that this is a type of a nasty chemical which has not been tested enough.I want to throw it out and would rather go out with N or hang.I'm too skeptical about the SN.Don't trust it.And I don't want to be having massive headaches and puking.Not a peaceful death.

 

[meowcat]

I have'nt even opened the container of SN.But from what I've been reading here,it feels like you're going to drinkrat poison or mosquito spray.
Does not feel like a pleasant way to go drinking a industrial chemical.

 

[JustAboutDone]

No but the posts that i've read here about it makes me feel that this is a type of a nasty chemical which has not been tested enough.I want to throw it out and would rather go out with N or hang.I'm too skeptical about the SN.Don't trust it.And I don't want to be having massive headaches and puking.Not a peaceful death.

It's difficult isn't it - trying to choose the right method that will suit you and your circumstances. Have you read through all the mega threads?

 

[meowcat]

It's difficult isn't it - trying to choose the right method that will suit you and your circumstances. Have you read through all the mega threads?

Yes i have.
And the best option is N.And the next best option seems to be hanging to me.Because with SN i don't know if I'll survive or die.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I have'nt even opened the container of SN.But from what I've been reading here,it feels like you're going to drinkrat poison or mosquito spray.
Does not feel like a pleasant way to go drinking a industrial chemical.

I understood it was used for curing ham? I've not looked into it a great deal as it's not my method. It is cheap though - and widely available. I think people can buy it from Amazon even

 

[meowcat]

It's difficult isn't it - trying to choose the right method that will suit you and your circumstances. Have you read through all the mega threads?

I'm tired and so want to signoff and take some meds and

 

[JustAboutDone]

I'm tired and so want to signoff and take some meds and

I hope you can get some rests, have a little cat nap and feel better later xx

 

[meowcat]

I understood it was used for curing ham? I've not looked into it a great deal as it's not my method. It is cheap though - and widely available. I think people can buy it from Amazon even

Yeah easy to get but not tried and tested.I feel like it's like taking a industrial chemical like literally rat poison or something.
Suffering can get nasty i think.Especially wit the headaches or stomachaches and puking and what if you don't die after all that?

 

[meowcat]

Hi @meowcat, I think that this is a common human reaction to the concept of consuming something that is essentially not good for us. Have you opened your SN and does it have a smell that you are finding off putting? Can you mask it with anything? On here it seems people are managing to swallow it fine.

I'm not worried about smell or taste.I want a sure shot least painfull and quick death.

 

[meowcat]

I'm sorry I have no more energy right now to write.I need to lay down.Thank you for being there.

 

[21Neberg]

I'm sorry I have no more energy right now to write.I need to lay down.Thank you for being there.

Rest all you need. We'll always be here to help you.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I'm sorry I have no more energy right now to write.I need to lay down.Thank you for being there.

@meowcat hope you're ok, thinking of you