Venting Loneliness/Forced isolation is the worst thing in the world and people with friends have no idea how good they got it

[OnlyBuilt4Linxs]

I don't care what anyone says, the feeling of loneliness is the worst feeling ever. isolation fucking hurts. being a social outcast/reject is painful. I hate feeling like this. I had friends when I was younger in like middle school, and I use the term "friends" very loosely, but high school changed everything. 4 years of fucking isolation and constant verbal abuse from peers. Now I'm in community college and you can forget about making friends here. People just come and go. This shit sucks and I'm tired of life. It hurts watching Youtube videos and seeing these dudes out with their friends having fun and just enjoying life. I get so jealous and just think "only if." Some people are so lucky and don't even understand.

The worst part about it is that there's no way to change it. I'm 20 and 90% of people my age already have their circle and aren't really trying to make any new friends. I'm living in hell daily and I just want to kill myself so bad, but I can't imagine subjecting my mother to that kind of pain. When I see how concerned she is with my well being when she sees me down, I can't imagine how she'd be finding me dead. I sometimes even think of taking her with me so she doesn't have to live with that grief, but I'm not gonna do that of course. But at the same time, nobody should be subjected to live like this. I can't smoke weed to take the pain away because of my paranoid schizophrenia. So there is no escape.

This is TRUE pain and the only way to solve it is with a 12 gauge to the head.

And the scariest thing to me about death is, what if life is just an endless cycle? What if I kill myself just to come back alive and have to do this shit over and over again?

I can only pray that one day, by a miracle, that my life does a complete 180 and I somehow manage to have at least 1 friend and not be so isolated. I swear, if I somehow manage to pull myself out this hell, I will never complain about life again.

 

[DoNotLet2]

Two words: fuckin relatable.

 

[Eleanor]

Know you're not alone in this. I'm 31 and I have the exact same issue. Loneliness kills.

 

[Deathbydemo]

I hear ya.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

Maybe you can volunteer somewhere to meet people. I hope your pain of loneliness ends soon.

 

[PickledTink]

I completely hear you. At almost 50 I have no one except my mom. It's so hard to meet new people. I hope you eventually find that one good friend that everyone should have

 

[OnlyBuilt4Linxs]

I completely hear you. At almost 50 I have no one except my mom. It's so hard to meet new people. I hope you eventually find that one good friend that everyone should have

I can't imagine living to 50 being completely isolated like this. I'm definitely taking myself out by 25-30

Know you're not alone in this. I'm 31 and I have the exact same issue. Loneliness kills.

How did you end up like this? Did you try to change it? Did you have hope to overcome your loneliness at 20?

 

[Marktheghost]

Know you're not alone in this. I'm 31 and I have the exact same issue. Loneliness kills.

I wish it would hurry up and kill me.

 

[Fish Face]

I can't imagine living to 50 being completely isolated like this. I'm definitely taking myself out by 25-30

How did you end up like this? Did you try to change it? Did you have hope to overcome your loneliness at 20?

I am 48. I have nobody at all. I never made friends. Only people to use me. I had sex with people who repulsed me physically to try to get affection. I spent money on people to get affection. They hated me. I have no friends or family.

 

[Mr2005]

Hopefully this will teach them. I actually feel closer to people because of this

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I cannot completely relate, as my isolation is my own doing. I have isolated myself for years now, never hang out with anyone due to severe anxiety and depression. People like me and want to be my friend but I've always had a natural tendency to distance myself from other people. For me, it's also painful to be incredibly lonely when I don't actually have to be. I do it to myself. If only my brain wasn't such a dick. The past few years, when I did spend time with coworkers who were also friends at work, being around them often times made me feel even more lonely, especially in groups and that's a terrible feeling. It seemed like everyone was living in this realm of consciousness that I was not part of, and was always on the outside looking it. They wanted to let me in, but my brain just didn't know how to make it happen. There was always a detachment there and that sentiment was even more pronounced when I was around them. I've always felt like that, but it grows stronger as I age. Now that I just moved hundreds of miles away from anyone I know and have been battling akathisia for seven months (which is the worst thing I've ever experienced and I have gone through some serious shit), spending time with friends isn't much of an option, except online. But I would still be isolating myself and hating myself for it even if it were. I feel so alone and crave deeper and more meaningful friendships but at the same time, I won't allow myself to do it and my anxiety makes it damn near impossible to go anywhere except work nowadays. Like I said, I can't fully relate to your story but I do know what loneliness feels like and I live it everyday, but I can still admit that your situation must be even worse and I hate that you're feeling so much pain. I wish you the best.

 

[William Barker]

I'm in the exact same boat

 

[Vault of Memories]

I get a constant feeling of loneliness too, even when I'm with my friends. My self-esteem is so low that I always have to doubt whether they actually like me or not. I don't understand why people chose to be around me, never have...

Maybe you can volunteer somewhere to meet people. I hope your pain of loneliness ends soon.

I was going to mention something similar to this. If you happen to have any hobby's that strike your interest, maybe you could try joining a group of some sort and find people with similar interests. Just a thought, I know when I'm really down it can be hard for me to find interest in anything and I'll just lay in bed all day.

 

[StillWaiting]

Same here. Everyone leaves when they know you are depressed or suffer from mental illness

 

[rhiino]

I feel with you. I am in my mid 20s, never had a relationship in my life and have no friends at all. It hurts so badly.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Yup this is what is bothering me I have no life. I have to CTB soon I can't enter my 30s miserable like this. This is total torture

 

[whatevs]

I don't care what anyone says, the feeling of loneliness is the worst feeling ever. isolation fucking hurts. being a social outcast/reject is painful. I hate feeling like this. I had friends when I was younger in like middle school, and I use the term "friends" very loosely, but high school changed everything. 4 years of fucking isolation and constant verbal abuse from peers. Now I'm in community college and you can forget about making friends here. People just come and go. This shit sucks and I'm tired of life. It hurts watching Youtube videos and seeing these dudes out with their friends having fun and just enjoying life. I get so jealous and just think "only if." Some people are so lucky and don't even understand.

The worst part about it is that there's no way to change it. I'm 20 and 90% of people my age already have their circle and aren't really trying to make any new friends. I'm living in hell daily and I just want to kill myself so bad, but I can't imagine subjecting my mother to that kind of pain. When I see how concerned she is with my well being when she sees me down, I can't imagine how she'd be finding me dead. I sometimes even think of taking her with me so she doesn't have to live with that grief, but I'm not gonna do that of course. But at the same time, nobody should be subjected to live like this. I can't smoke weed to take the pain away because of my paranoid schizophrenia. So there is no escape.

This is TRUE pain and the only way to solve it is with a 12 gauge to the head.

And the scariest thing to me about death is, what if life is just an endless cycle? What if I kill myself just to come back alive and have to do this shit over and over again?

I can only pray that one day, by a miracle, that my life does a complete 180 and I somehow manage to have at least 1 friend and not be so isolated. I swear, if I somehow manage to pull myself out this hell, I will never complain about life again.

Imagine being in this situation but you are 30.

Yup this is what is bothering me I have no life. I have to CTB soon I can't enter my 30s miserable like this. This is total torture

Wait, you resurrected a 2 year old thread, didn't you? Nice!

 

[Journeytoletgo]

Imagine being in this situation but you are 30.

Wait, you resurrected a 2 year old thread, didn't you? Nice!

Yessir let's see how many comment on this how this affects their life
I miss my connection to humanity so much this is what I truly miss I can't take that final leap to CTB I'm too scared

 

[S like suicide]

I would not wish lonliness to my worst enemy...i'm not sure if it's worst depression or lonliness,definitely both kill

 

[LoneMisery]

I hate having female friends and none of them are attracted to me one bit. Idk if its my looks or what it is. I see other guys who are complete jerks and still get all the attention. I dont make enough money i dont have a sex appeal. Its why i just stay away from people and when i do nobody calls me or asks how doing.
I know i shouldnt dwell on it but the loneliness is just killing me on the inside. It gives me the burning feeling in my chest. Like if im profusely crying without the sobs or tears. I just wanna be loved and liked for the good of the heart i have and i will not subject to being a jerk to get attention.

 

[D&D]

Loneliness, in all its variations, is out time chief killer.

It breaks my heart. Especially for younger people ... I have written about it a few times and am too sad to write more now.

My own loneliness has been with me for so long that I do not remember any other way. My only consolation is the looming end. I am not young so no loss.

 

[LoneMisery]

I know theres light at the end of the tunnel. And without you guys i wouldnt be able to find it. But in the end the rejection is so strong and harsh its unbearable at times

 

[CameronFrye]

I relate to this so hard. While many different factors contributed to it, the loneliness is probably the main reason I'm here. Humans are not meant to be alone, and need social interaction to live. I don't know the exact science but genuine social interaction (not a therapist or something forced) must release some chemicals that make life feel better and more manageable, at least somewhat. Social interaction is like a drug to me at this point because of how long I go without it. And I can't imagine how people who have frequent social interaction must feel. While it doesn't solve everything, it takes a huge burden off their minds and makes much easier to function than it is without it. It's energizing and uplifting in a way that can't be fully explained. Most people take it for granted but those without it know the loneliness makes life draining and demoralizing. When I'm out in public I admire groups of friends as some foreign, yet beautiful thing I can only dream of. For at least that moment, life seems good for them.

My freshman year of college, I (thought I) had friends and while I still struggled I felt the best I ever felt. Friendship and a feeling of belonging did more for me than years of therapy and medication ever did. I got great grades, was in great shape, got involved, and even got a girlfriend riding the energy I now had. Unfortunately by sophomore year all those friends eventually found people other people they'd rather be with, such as their Greek orgs. People always seem to do that once they find something better, and associating with me only hurts their reputation. After that my depression and anxiety returned with a vengeance and my life fell apart. Fortunately I had my girlfriend who was there for me and made me feel not so lonely. We were long distance which was hard because it's not the same as real-life interaction, but it was nice to talk to someone and I always looked forward to our visits which kept me going. We both lost old and struggled to make new friends and found support in eachother. But she recently made a ton of new, fun, successful, and exiting friends that she wanted to spend all her free time with and gradually lost interest in me. Then when I'd go to visit her she was all of a sudden extremely distant and even would go out and leave me at her apartment because I wasn't invited. We then broke up and she's already moved on to someone else who I think was there before we broke up.

Now I am completely alone with no social interaction and my mental state keeps worsening. I even feel like I'm disassociating and not even present in reality most days. If I'm not dissacotiayed I'm daydreaming of having a life with people who care about and look forward to spending time with me. Those daydreams help alleviate the pain temporarily, but eventually I'm back to reality. I don't know how much more of this I can take. It hurts even more because I thought I beat it but it was all fake and I'm right back where I always was. Part of me still has hope I'll find the friends I've always looked for, but each day I lose a little more hope and I don't know how much I have left.

 

[LoneMisery]

Its so horrible theres almost 8 billion people in this world and we still feel alone. The odds aren't against us. We shouldnt feel this way. But we do. I hope we all can find someone that loves us unconditionally. Someone that will always be there no matter how bad our days get and knows were not gloating when days are good. It shoudlnt be this hard but it is and i totally understand