Loneliness and Guilt

[Dead Already]

After moving myself to the middle of the Pacific Ocean, 7000 miles from everyone I love and everything I know to prepare for CTB,
I find It hard to push through with all the things I need to do.

Loneliness combined with BPD, PTSD and Severe Depression is more crippling than ever.
People, here on island seem to like me as I work doing construction and offers have even been made to back me starting a business.
I have made myself and my skillsets as useful as possible after Typhoon Mawar.

Now beyond everything else I struggle with,
Guilt rears its ugly head as I can't reveal the real reason I moved here, or let myself become close to anyone else who would be hurt by my ultimate action.

I'm glad I found this forum, at least as I read what yall post and see the support and caring for all those suffering, I know even those of us who are so broken that society shuns us, have a place on this horrible planet, even if just for a little while.
Still nothing replaces the need/want of simple, caring and understanding touch of another.

In the end, beyond everything else I have been through in my life, Loneliness is my Achilles heel.
After 58 years, the last three months is going to hurt the most.

Thank you, to all of you for being honest enough to share yourselves so openly.
Right now it is what soothes the Loneliness, holds back the pain and keeps me moving forward.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do understand that loneliness is painful for so many in this world, existence certainly is too cruel and it must be so tiring suffering like that. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.