Venting Lone

[HeavyOne]

I found this site after 10000000th tumult with my toxic narcissistic mother. I spent all summer on cutting every cord that was binding me back, I spent weeks crying and feeling wrong, guilty, for the first time in my life I was seriously working on myself to walk a forward my mother. I came here thinking of suicide, I end up having a plan on how to and wanting to give myself a chance too.
I was soooooo lucky and blessed to have my dad always by my side, a wise man always there to collect my tears and fears.
I lost him 34 days ago. All of sudden. A heart attack. His first and only one. Three deep breaths and my dad, my best friend, my hero wasn't with me anymore.
I'm working daily to fix all the things he was managing, I'm doing it the fastest I can.
I can't handle this pain any more. He was the healthy gift in my life, from the first day we met as, father and daughter he showed me what love and respect are.
Now I just urge to join him. I don't know how that after life works... Best scenario: we will be back together. Good scenario: this pain is over.
Sorry for venting... I just don't know what to do with my agony.

 

[Lastsauce]

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm going to pass all the it will get better etc platitudes.
You definitely don't have to say or feel sorry for venting here.

 

[HeavyOne]

Thank you for your words @Lastsauce. I appreciate you skipped the "it is going to get better part".
Honestly I would love to hear from you... If you have been through it or not, you are always so wise and kind. Every word from you would be a gift at this moment.

 

[AutoTap]

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope it gets better! Know that the community is here.

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I'm sorry for your loss too.

 

[KleinerWolf]

Sorry for your loss.

 

[darksideofthebright]

I am so sorry for your loss, the process of grievance can really take a toll on one's mental health.
I genuinely hope that with whatever you decide to do, you can find the peace and happiness you deserve. In the mean time, if you ever need to vent or to get distracted by talking with others, I, along with many others on SS, am here with you, so don't feel sorry for sharing your stories! Sending you virtual hugs.

 

[sadworld]

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you'll find peace with your decision. Sending hugs

 

[Lastsauce]

Honestly I would love to hear from you... If you have been through it or not, you are always so wise and kind.

Thank you for your kind words. I think this is the first time anyone has accused me of being wise .
I have not yet lost either parent but I have been their caregiver for some time now and mom just got seriously ill in the summer.
They are now the only ones keeping me here, barely.

 

[Sherri]

Sorry for your pain and loss, we all neee to vent sometimes so please don't feel sorry hun.