like morning coffee

[sincerely dead]

i check this forum at each and every break of dawn
it fuels me like morning coffee
i feel pitiful
what is this existence?
no human being should have to rise day after day wishing there was a way to make it stop, knowing that their survival instincts may never allow them to fully follow through.
nevertheless, here i am, in this predicament
my therapist says maybe i shouldn't be on this forum, maybe i'm intentionally spiraling down a black hole every time i hop on
what he doesn't know is that these are my people
this is my community he keeps imploring me to find
the hurting, the broken, the sick
the suicidal, the eagerly hopeful, the utterly defeated

and so as the golden light filters through my shut shades, i'll grab my morning coffee and scroll through the "death forum" (as my therapist calls it) waiting for it to somehow give me life. it really sucks being suicidal without the actual intent to follow through. i'm at war within myself; caged.

 

[TheHolySword]

this forum can be a double edged sword. a community of like minded individuals where you feel seen, heard, understood. maybe even for the first time in your life. you can speak freely and openly without judgement. but you're faced with death every day. like staring down the barrel of a gun. it isn't perfect, i even think in some ways the goal of recovery is to not be here anymore. but it's okay to be here, to drink your morning coffee and be part of a place where you feel you belong. i just hope that it's actively helping you in your healing.

 

[disabledlife]

Personally, by consulting this forum, I feel less alone, surrounded by people who are like me, with solidarity through listening and kindness. Like you, I regularly consult this forum, me who waits, on the other hand, for the certainty of leaving in peace, without suffering, with my own means, for lack of choice, for lack of pro-choice laws, for lack of kindness otherwise.

Everyone has their own opinion on their life, and this choice is respected here, it is the only community that makes sense to me.

In my opinion, it is the opposite outside, real life where, according to what I experience, I see people as rather pro-life, contemptuous, let me down, suffer, agonize, alone, abandoned, on the other hand, they jump on me to keep me alive by preventing me from leaving, and by despising me if I dare to want to leave.

But, by consulting this forum, and its kindness, I feel less alone, more reassured, I feel a little better psychologically.

Contrary to, outside, this forum leaves the possibility of leaving it, taking a break, etc., no one is going to put back this choice, on the contrary.