Venting Life with zero connections

[ellisdisappeared]

It's been so long since I've actually had a friend or was able to talk to a family member without being judged or having my vents treated as a form of gossip. I've done my best to start conversations with people, make the effort to keep them going, but I either attract the wrong people, or my attempts are ignored.

I'm honestly starting to think there's something wrong with me. I do my best to be respectful when talking to people and avoid any conflicts. I think there's something I don't know. Maybe I talk weird, look weird, or there's something else that's wrong with me.

I've tried everything to make connections, but when I talk to someone they end up being toxic for me. It's been years since I've had a friend, and over and over I've tried to tell myself I'm at peace with it. But I'm all alone, I have family to visit but even when I try to talk to them I'm ignored. I'm in college and younger than my family members, so maybe that's why I don't fit in. It doesn't matter, I'm just destined to this. It feels like this cycle won't break and I'm tired of getting my hopes up and trying to find another reason to live just for my hopes to be crushed.

Does anybody else relate to this situation?

 

[niki wonoto]

"I've learned (painfully) to stop having high expectations, especially for people (humans). Because reality is often disappointing. It numbs me unfortunately, but I'm already getting used to it anyway."

I made that post on my social media(s) last night. But, to be very honest, what I really wanted to say is that: 'reality' crushed & destroyed me so much, that I've become (heavily/severely) depressed & even suicidal (passive suicidal ideation/thoughts/feelings everyday)

I also used to make a post on my social media(s) about: "Depression can be caused by people & society" (ironically, the post got quite popular back then)

I honestly feel that perhaps it's because I'm just a socially awkward person, a neurodivergent, & with perhaps a bit 'autism' spectrum as well too.
idk, but it's depressing as hell.

it all just feels so hopeless, & pointless

 

[violetforever]

having my vents treated as a form of gossip. I've done my best to start conversations with people, make the effort to keep them going, but I either attract the wrong people, or my attempts are ignored.

god i resonate with this so much. i was finally feeling comfortable enough to open up about my dysfunctional family to somebody. all they had to say was "oh that's sad. that's why (referring to my trauma) you're so good at helping other people though. your family sounds intriguing."……..…..i never said anything more about my family after that. nobody actually cares or wants to offer comfort. they just want an entertaining story of my fucked up life to listen to so they can feel better about theirs.

I'm honestly starting to think there's something wrong with me. I do my best to be respectful when talking to people and avoid any conflicts. I think there's something I don't know. Maybe I talk weird, look weird, or there's something else that's wrong with me

nothing is wrong with you and you sound perfectly sweet. people are just not nice. i don't know why. i mostly only talk about my problems on this site now. i gave up on people. maybe they have their own problems but so do i and that's never stopped me from being there for someone else.

 

[nails]

i've been experiencing everything you mentioned in this post. these struggles are currently my largest source of misery and have been the topic of all my recent vents. reading this felt like a jumpscare because i relate so much.
just know that you're seen and you aren't alone in this experience.
and i noticed your pfp, i love red hood. comics were a big interest of mine before my mental health worsened, i still collect them.
wishing you the best, i hope you find some relief from your suffering.

 

[barely_afloat]

Yeah. I've been craving connection for so long as well. I just suck at managing relationships or maybe I'm just not interesting?

I'm also in college and I feel like I'm drowning when I'm around my classmates. I try not to, but I feel jealous that connection comes so easily to others.

But yknow what, people who ignore us, or don't take an interest in us are the ones missing out. you and everyone else feeling this way are hella cool and I hope yall can find people that appreciate how amazing you all are

 

[StoneCellaiver]

Always comes back to me that most people care for nothing other than their own gain or benefit, so many relationships are artificial, I don't know where to even begin with developing one

nobody actually cares or wants to offer comfort. they just want an entertaining story of my fucked up life to listen to so they can feel better about theirs.

It's funny how those people in general are kind of just snakes, it's odd to see

 

[lemohemo]

I have it in the summer, its gone in the winter. The pain of not having the connection in the winter makes me not want to seek it out this year in the summer.
I would just love a best friend, that's something i crave personally, just somebody on your side that you can share your true story with, it feels like nobody really knows me at all. I have people who i use to talk to regularly, they're from a generation above me and told me to stop telling them how i actually felt when they asked me how i was feeling, they kept going it was the season, everyones going through it etc. so instead of having the false relationship i decided just to step out of the relationship. like we would have normal conversations too but just people don't want you to be real or support you constantly.

Even those in my own age bracket don't check in on me knowing I'm off work sick with depression, coming off a drug addiction and have had previous attempts. its hard even having the connections when they're not real.

 

[violetforever]

Always comes back to me that most people care for nothing other than their own gain or benefit, so many relationships are artificial, I don't know where to even begin with developing one
It's funny how those people in general are kind of just snakes, it's odd to see

i can't help but want relationships with people because i'm a human after all, but like you, i know the truth of them. they are never as good in reality as in imagination. what is the point of living if the reality of human connection discourages me from attempting to have it?

 

[StoneCellaiver]

they are never as good in reality as in imagination. what is the point of living if the reality of human connection discourages me from attempting to have it?

Meaning seems to be lost over time and connections look to be more and more one sided, biology brings misery from us not being able to connect, it sucks.