Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
Is Post- forced hospital visit...
Slept like 8 hrs... probs gonna get more. I've been hungry since yesterday but my stomach IS NOT at rest enough for anything :/
Just miserable. Honestly just miserable and alone. It's not even 5 am yet but my sleep is always like this because I go to sleep so early sometimes.
Ugh, feel so disgusting. I'm glad it's the weekend staff that are clueless working... But come Monday and
I'm honestly holding so much rage for whoever made the call. Like JUST TELL ME U CALLED THEM. I don't understand why people do that ambush shit like...????
I don't like how "mental health" professionals like to justify their shotty actions. There was no fucking reason to call the cops on me while IM SHOPPING.
FOR DENTAL HYGIENE AND HEADPHONES.
IM PISSED!!!! The whole thing was wrong and they can take my fucking angst and SHOVE IT.
So tired of being told how to react to things.
Also, this one staff TRIGGERED ME YESTERDAY. I don't need people to tell me stupid useless shit like " you remind me so much of my daughter"
Like??? Thnx??? I don't fucking have a loving mother and I NEVER WILL and I don't need reminders of that.
This is exactly why I told staff TO LEAVE ME ALONE. FUCKING MORONS.
Just ugh. Ugh.
Now I feel so barren and unsafe inside I ALMOST. WANT. the hospital. Just disappear for a bit :( it's possible in spaces (maybe) but COVID so ima see....(it's like a lower version of the hospital)
I feel fucking awful and it's only Friday!!! Yay!!!
I wish I was fucking dead. Shit like this also really fucking dampens my energy... I don't have a lot of energy. I'm tryna save my energy to move and die... I cannot do that with people taking it every chance they have. Makes me feel like "well whatever ima just kill myself here"
The only issue is a plan. I've been really carrying myself through the days with forced enjoyment/distractions.
So... With the constant bombarding of even my little sections of peace...
I'm done. I'm fucking over it. The only reason I haven't attempted is I don't have a good enough plan. I'm planning now.
Over and over and over again life laughs and shows me how worthless I am. Usually,y I refrain from using words like worthless and such bc it makes people think I'm irrational or sooo stuck in depression-like... Nah my life is literally worthless but thnx.
Like I'm so angry the way that yesterday was handled WAS DISGUSTING. DON'T FUCKING CALL THE COPS ON PEOPLE WITHOUT TELLING THEM.
WE LITERALLY HAD PEOPLE KILLED HERE JUST LAST YR FOR THAT. IN AN AREA I USED TO LIVE IN A MAN GOT SHOT BC A "WELLNESS CHECK"
I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY AND IT ISNT RIGHT THAT ANYONE CAN JUST DO THAT SHIT. THEY DO IT WITHOUT REPERCUSSIONS.
IT ISN'T FUCKING FAIR AND THE FACT THAT I CAN'T EVEN COMPLAIN TO THE REGULAR STAFF THAT DID THIS, IS PISSING ME OFF EVEN MORE.
Wrote out some of what I feel... Apparently staff today MIGHT be the regular but sis I DONT CARE.
10 mins later:
I wrote it out and printed it. I need my mouth closed bc honestly half the shit they say IS VERY TRIGGERING AND I GET TOO UPSET. I TOLD EM TO LEAVE ME ALONE BC I CANNOT DEAL WITH PEOPLE THAT ARE POSITIONS OF POWER LIKE THIS.
I don't like speaking just in anger but sis... Nah what they did yesterday was dangerous. Like.
I was being talked to so fucking condescendingly by the cop and she just couldn't UNDERSTAND why I was so angry and confused LIKE BITCH!?
She didn't realize the racial dynamic until I pointed it out .. 
we just had multiple people killed over this IN THIS CITY / AREA JUST THIS SUMMER. WTF. IT MUST BE NICE TO BE ABLE TO FORGET SHIT LIKE THAT BUT I CANT.
IM PISSED. I'm not gonna let my anger make anything worse tho soo sorry but ima rant on here a bit.
Like ugh just ugh.
Leaves me unable to eat and just all kinda of fucked up fham...
Slept like 8 hrs... probs gonna get more. I've been hungry since yesterday but my stomach IS NOT at rest enough for anything :/
Just miserable. Honestly just miserable and alone. It's not even 5 am yet but my sleep is always like this because I go to sleep so early sometimes.
Ugh, feel so disgusting. I'm glad it's the weekend staff that are clueless working... But come Monday and
I'm honestly holding so much rage for whoever made the call. Like JUST TELL ME U CALLED THEM. I don't understand why people do that ambush shit like...????
I don't like how "mental health" professionals like to justify their shotty actions. There was no fucking reason to call the cops on me while IM SHOPPING.
FOR DENTAL HYGIENE AND HEADPHONES.
IM PISSED!!!! The whole thing was wrong and they can take my fucking angst and SHOVE IT.
So tired of being told how to react to things.
Also, this one staff TRIGGERED ME YESTERDAY. I don't need people to tell me stupid useless shit like " you remind me so much of my daughter"
Like??? Thnx??? I don't fucking have a loving mother and I NEVER WILL and I don't need reminders of that.
This is exactly why I told staff TO LEAVE ME ALONE. FUCKING MORONS.
Just ugh. Ugh.
Now I feel so barren and unsafe inside I ALMOST. WANT. the hospital. Just disappear for a bit :( it's possible in spaces (maybe) but COVID so ima see....(it's like a lower version of the hospital)
I feel fucking awful and it's only Friday!!! Yay!!!
I wish I was fucking dead. Shit like this also really fucking dampens my energy... I don't have a lot of energy. I'm tryna save my energy to move and die... I cannot do that with people taking it every chance they have. Makes me feel like "well whatever ima just kill myself here"
The only issue is a plan. I've been really carrying myself through the days with forced enjoyment/distractions.
So... With the constant bombarding of even my little sections of peace...
I'm done. I'm fucking over it. The only reason I haven't attempted is I don't have a good enough plan. I'm planning now.
Over and over and over again life laughs and shows me how worthless I am. Usually,y I refrain from using words like worthless and such bc it makes people think I'm irrational or sooo stuck in depression-like... Nah my life is literally worthless but thnx.
Like I'm so angry the way that yesterday was handled WAS DISGUSTING. DON'T FUCKING CALL THE COPS ON PEOPLE WITHOUT TELLING THEM.
WE LITERALLY HAD PEOPLE KILLED HERE JUST LAST YR FOR THAT. IN AN AREA I USED TO LIVE IN A MAN GOT SHOT BC A "WELLNESS CHECK"
I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY AND IT ISNT RIGHT THAT ANYONE CAN JUST DO THAT SHIT. THEY DO IT WITHOUT REPERCUSSIONS.
IT ISN'T FUCKING FAIR AND THE FACT THAT I CAN'T EVEN COMPLAIN TO THE REGULAR STAFF THAT DID THIS, IS PISSING ME OFF EVEN MORE.
Wrote out some of what I feel... Apparently staff today MIGHT be the regular but sis I DONT CARE.
10 mins later:
I wrote it out and printed it. I need my mouth closed bc honestly half the shit they say IS VERY TRIGGERING AND I GET TOO UPSET. I TOLD EM TO LEAVE ME ALONE BC I CANNOT DEAL WITH PEOPLE THAT ARE POSITIONS OF POWER LIKE THIS.
I don't like speaking just in anger but sis... Nah what they did yesterday was dangerous. Like.
I was being talked to so fucking condescendingly by the cop and she just couldn't UNDERSTAND why I was so angry and confused LIKE BITCH!?
She didn't realize the racial dynamic until I pointed it out ..
we just had multiple people killed over this IN THIS CITY / AREA JUST THIS SUMMER. WTF. IT MUST BE NICE TO BE ABLE TO FORGET SHIT LIKE THAT BUT I CANT.IM PISSED. I'm not gonna let my anger make anything worse tho soo sorry but ima rant on here a bit.
Like ugh just ugh.
Leaves me unable to eat and just all kinda of fucked up fham...
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