Venting life is pointless..

[_Minsk]

im currently in this weird mood like there is nothing in this life, everything is shallow and empty. life simply lacks meaning. even if there was meaning, i wouldn't want to continue, my health is crushed and i'm just sick of this. why am i even here, i've had a very short time being happy or at least i was carelessness which i was totally okay with. but what the hell has happened, im not very old and life is just sucked out of joy, some say there are some who are worse off than you, but why would this make any difference.. no one should be feeling depressed, this life simply sucks..

 

[TheRaul95]

Yes, like you realize you dont wanna live like this anymore for long...

 

[bornfree]

other people suck worst

 

[Lunarhour]

Well currently i'm in the process of getting things ready for my move into my new apartment. It was a very stressful situation, if i didn't get this place i would have been homeless for a 4th time, lots of drinking and pacing back and forth with horrendous anxiety this past month but i managed to get it done. I also noticed how cruel pedestrians and customer service people are when they see someone stressed out, they look at you with absolute disgust and i'm not the type to put people down on purpose, but they do notice that stutter from stress and take advantage of it.

I keep going for my Lunarhour, my nighttime routine, which is play video games,maybe watch movie, surf the web and have a few beers, its my little "fuck you i'm still here" to the world. I couldn't really contemplate suicide that much while i was trying to find an apartment tbh, i had a goal that i needed to accomplish and if i failed i would be on the streets for the rest of my life most likely. I have to get a haircut...i'm not in the mood to get chatty with the barber doing my hair, so i'm waiting for the rain to stop so i can put a beer or two in me so i can entertain my fellow man who can act like a little baby if i choose to not have a meaningless conversation with them.

Yeah, i guess my point is that if your idle, bored and drifting, these types of thoughts can intrude and make you feel like crap.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

other people suck worst

Are you saying some people have it worse? It's not a competition.

 

[KLUF]

Aye. Bloody life is bloody pointless. I have similar thoughts, struggling with them every day, I know the story. Nothing wierd in that though, it might be that more people have these thoughts than you think.
What now? 3 ways:

1. Find purpose
2. Keep going until dying of old age
3. CTB

Set goal and pursue it, carry on and enjoy simple amenities of life or... you already know what. Everything comes down to these 3 options.
I do not know how much worse your health is than it used to be, but I wish you strength and good luck.

 

[bornfree]

Are you saying some people have it worse? It's not a competition.

worse than having no meaning for living is how the monsters who call themselves the human race gorge on the freedom to make a suicidal individual want to die AND EVEN THE CARE PROFESSIONS DO THIS?

But let me be clear. You are right. I do not want to denigrate the validity of anyone's suicidality and i do know that the awfulness of being suicidal is irrespective of the reason to die is a universal truth of equality.

But i can give you the hope of meaning to exist to fight the things that make you want to die. I can give you the meaning that you know more about what is the future of human rights and that's a tiny little shred of what meaning you can take from your suicidality. I can tell you that you will know from personal experience that there is too much suffering and cruelty and evil in this world and that's why you are suicidal and if you want the hope of meaning for your existence then you use your experiences to fight against all the suffering and cruelty and evil in this world.

But i cannot live amongst the monsters who call themselves the human race. I see the fundamental problem by my personal experiences. I cannot be cared about. You do have a hope of stopping feeling suicidal. I don't and i have more than a decade of proof of this truth.
you are not the victim of being treated like you are property. I am.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

But i can give you the hope of meaning to exist to fight the things that make you want to die. I can give you the meaning that you know more about what is the future of human rights and that's a tiny little shred of what meaning you can take from your suicidality. I can tell you that you will know from personal experience that there is too much suffering and cruelty and evil in this world and that's why you are suicidal and if you want the hope of meaning for your existence then you use your experiences to fight against all the suffering and cruelty and evil in this world.

But i cannot live amongst the monsters who call themselves the human race. I see the fundamental problem by my personal experiences. I cannot be cared about. You do have a hope of stopping feeling suicidal. I don't and i have more than a decade of proof of this truth.

You speak to me as if I do not know my own experience or my own mind, yet somehow you do. I promise you, you know nothing about me, and you can give me nothing. Your efforts are far better spent directing them toward yourself, because you are the only person you have the slightest chance of knowing or controlling.

I do not even feel suicidal. It is the most rational response to my situation, of which you know nothing, nor does anyone else on this site, because I've never shared it and never will.

So kindly back off, please. You're not invited in my personal and intimate space, and you are overstepping.

 

[bornfree]

have you tried to have meaning for your existence as the reason to stay suicidal? You probably haven't but i have.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

have you tried to have meaning for your existence as the reason to stay suicidal? You probably haven't but i have.

Again, grossly overstepping. You know nothing of me. You are now on ignore.

 

[pentobarbitaldreams]

Yeah. The closest thing to meaning I've found is the biological basis of life, that all life is essentially a way for genes to propagate themselves. Some people take this to mean that reproduction is the true meaning of life. I see where they're coming from, but ultimately I think it's a shallow reason for a sentient being with reason and logic to keep on living. Like, once you know that's the whole game, why even bother continuing (that's my train of thought)

 

[bornfree]

You speak to me as if I do not know my own experience or my own mind, yet somehow you do. I promise you, you know nothing about me, and you can give me nothing. Your efforts are far better spent directing them toward yourself, because you are the only person you have the slightest chance of knowing or controlling.

I do not even feel suicidal. It is the most rational response to my situation, of which you know nothing, nor does anyone else on this site, because I've never shared it and never will.

So kindly back off, please. You're not invited in my personal and intimate space, and you are overstepping.

no the question is meaning to live. that is what i was talking about. you are right i don't know you but i do know the answer i sought to meaning for existence.

I haven't been through what you go through. I am not you. I am nothing like you. You have the protection of human rights.

Find an equal to share with or don't share but that's not the point is it? or is the point about how suicidal individuals do have a greater capacity to feel and recognise the suffering cruelty and evil that prevails not to accept it like non suicidal individuals do?

I am the only person who has ever cared about the limit to what i can endure. There might be others but the angels can't prevail so i face the will of monsters to protect the freedom to make a suicidal individual want to die. You can be part of this or you cannot. I don't know you so i don't know your choice.

But let me respect what is the limit to what you can suffer and endure against your will.. How can i do this for you? Stay suicidal and silent? Will this help you? I am obviously being hateful in this question. I am being driven by emotions to your response "i promise you you know nothing about me and you can give me nothing". You have the protection of human rights so obviously we don't have anything in common.

Yeah. The closest thing to meaning I've found is the biological basis of life, that all life is essentially a way for genes to propagate themselves. Some people take this to mean that reproduction is the true meaning of life. I see where they're coming from, but ultimately I think it's a shallow reason for a sentient being with reason and logic to keep on living. Like, once you know that's the whole game, why even bother continuing (that's my train of thought)

yes.

there is always a fight though. You can see it or not. You can ignore it or not. You can be satisfied by biological imperatives such as procreation. You can choose to be happy and fight for nothing. You can accept and give in to the reality that you'll never stop feeling suicidal or not. You can even be part of the mental health profession and believe you can tell the difference between cruelty and care.

You want meaning for life though? That's why you want to die because your life has no meaning?

You have a will to live. By the standards of mental health professionals it is worthless and never worth protecting. You only find out it is precious when it is gone. Their care is devoid of the simple truth why the prevention of suicidality and the objective of safety from suicidality - from becoming suicidal - is essential. But how important to a suicidal individual is to have never become suicidal? This is not empty rhetoric or flights of fanciful philosophy. The care about the prevention of suicidality is the care that deprives the freedom to make a suicidal individual want to die and the care of assisted suicide. It is not what mental health professionals serve. It is actually care.

 

[pole]

i'm sorry to hear.

feeling empty and nothingness is terrifying for sure. things that use to make you happy and things you loved doing are just nothing anymore to you. you just feel like your walking on this path of emptiness and you don't really know what to do.

no the question is meaning to live. that is what i was talking about. you are right i don't know you but i do know the answer i sought to meaning for existence.

I haven't been through what you go through. I am not you. I am nothing like you. You have the protection of human rights.

Find an equal to share with or don't share but that's not the point is it? or is the point about how suicidal individuals do have a greater capacity to feel and recognise the suffering cruelty and evil that prevails not to accept it like non suicidal individuals do?

I am the only person who has ever cared about the limit to what i can endure. There might be others but the angels can't prevail so i face the will of monsters to protect the freedom to make a suicidal individual want to die. You can be part of this or you cannot. I don't know you so i don't know your choice.

But let me respect what is the limit to what you can suffer and endure against your will.. How can i do this for you? Stay suicidal and silent? Will this help you? I am obviously being hateful in this question. I am being driven by emotions to your response "i promise you you know nothing about me and you can give me nothing". You have the protection of human rights so obviously we don't have anything in common.

yes.

there is always a fight though. You can see it or not. You can ignore it or not. You can be satisfied by biological imperatives such as procreation. You can choose to be happy and fight for nothing. You can accept and give in to the reality that you'll never stop feeling suicidal or not. You can even be part of the mental health profession and believe you can tell the difference between cruelty and care.

You want meaning for life though? That's why you want to die because your life has no meaning?

please refrain about arguing and take it to PMs, as it derails the thread and it isn't respectful to OP.

 

[bornfree]

if i told you i feel suicidal now for one of many reasons but one is my cat is going to die soon would you denigrate the validity of my suicidality? It's the truth.

i do mean every single word of this " But let me be clear. You are right. I do not want to denigrate the validity of anyone's suicidality and i do know that the awfulness of being suicidal is irrespective of the reason to die is a universal truth of equality. "

PS
sorry i have been completely self involved inwhat i have said here. I am sorry to the OP. I ignored what you are going through so i am my own worst enemy.

 

[Bct]

I feel you. For me, life is meaningless if you just living alone till the rest of your life. Things used to be an enjoyment now become less enjoyable, and I'm not in a position to be able to find more means of pleasure since I'm jobless & broke. Even if others have worse suffering, it's still not invalidating yours.

 

[bornfree]

I feel you. For me, life is meaningless if you just living alone till the rest of your life. Things used to be an enjoyment now become less enjoyable, and I'm not in a position to be able to find more means of pleasure since I'm jobless & broke. Even if others have worse suffering, it's still not invalidating yours.

Thanks.

i take drugs prescribed and others that assist me. Drugs can't make food taste good but neither can people - the food thing is just one example from countless examples of things. i feel suicidal every day.

i have tried to find meaning. But it's the pain that is too much for me to bear that is just one thing too awful for me to live. My suffering is senseless. To live to suffer and endure against my will became meaningless...no...worse than valueless for me a very long time ago but no one has the competence to care about this most basic truth about feeling suicidal and protect me. I do not live for myself. I do not suffer for myself. It's all so others get what they want from me. I don't matter.

on another note there are things that are evils and cruelties that exist in this world and increase the prevalence of suicidal feelings and thoughts. Some see these cruelties and evils in this world as acceptable or unchangeable so cannot find meaning.

I face a sense of cruelty that has no remorse or mercy for so so so many failures to make my suicidal thoughts and feelings avoidable and that's what defines the criminalisation of assisted suicide. They force me to live but can't be bothered to try to make further and worsening of suicidality avoidable. They so easily bear the responsibility for torturing me but won't bear the responsibility for my death - this is but one proof of the truth in when i talk about the monsters who call themselves the human race but this evil and cruelty in so easily bearing the responsibility for my being tortured will only be seen for what it is in a future generation of the monsters who call themselves the human race. Right now the monsters who call themselves the human race are still unaffected by how suicidal individuals feel so they so easily bear their responsibility for torturing me instead of killing.

If you look at what you are going through i am assuming it is not meaninglessness alone that makes the peace of Rest In Peace a hope. It is not one harm or source of suffering but several that i believe is the common cause of suicidality as well as the fear of future harm and suffering. There is an important objective for society and civilisation that should have already been started on and that's the prevention of suicidality, the efforts to try to make suicidality avoidable and the objective of living in safety from suicidality. But it hasn't been started on because doctors and others misrepresent the cause of suicidality as a mental illness and caused by a brain defect. You don't try to fight a brain defect but you do fight the evil and cruelty that makes so many become suicidal and stay suicidal if you choose to.

What i go through by being forced to live no one should go through. You can take meaning this way if you want to.