Well currently i'm in the process of getting things ready for my move into my new apartment. It was a very stressful situation, if i didn't get this place i would have been homeless for a 4th time, lots of drinking and pacing back and forth with horrendous anxiety this past month but i managed to get it done. I also noticed how cruel pedestrians and customer service people are when they see someone stressed out, they look at you with absolute disgust and i'm not the type to put people down on purpose, but they do notice that stutter from stress and take advantage of it.
I keep going for my Lunarhour, my nighttime routine, which is play video games,maybe watch movie, surf the web and have a few beers, its my little "fuck you i'm still here" to the world. I couldn't really contemplate suicide that much while i was trying to find an apartment tbh, i had a goal that i needed to accomplish and if i failed i would be on the streets for the rest of my life most likely. I have to get a haircut...i'm not in the mood to get chatty with the barber doing my hair, so i'm waiting for the rain to stop so i can put a beer or two in me so i can entertain my fellow man who can act like a little baby if i choose to not have a meaningless conversation with them.
Yeah, i guess my point is that if your idle, bored and drifting, these types of thoughts can intrude and make you feel like crap.