Life is maintenance

[darkenmydoorstep]

I keep trying to find stuff to do, to distract myself from this dull and lingering existence.

I go to the gym. I write. I read, learn stuff. I see friends.

But it all feels like exactly what it is - filling time. Waiting to die. Knowing we die one day makes some people want to do as much as they can, but for me, knowing that just makes me think "may as well skip to the end".

It's hollow. It's like treading water, tiring.

It always has been.

Life is maintenance and you're a fucking janitor. You're always trying to maintain something - a job, relationship or friendship, the peace, financial stability, a figure, a clean house, social media presence, your fucking sanity……

 

[stupidhuman]

My main problem is not really having fun maintaining. Life is most likely meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Do whatever makes your brain tingle. That's how I see it.
I just wish I'd have the capacity to fulfill myself the way I'd like to but I'm incapable to do so… what a wasted life….

 

[DoubleUp8]

Absolutely right. And there is no consideration for those no longer able to maintain.

 

[derpyderpins]

Sorry you're feeling this way, but I completely relate. It's like whenever you're filling one bar up the others are draining. Never a rest. Money can fix a lot of it. Pay people to clean the house, make the food, etc., but only so much.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

My main problem is not really having fun maintaining. Life is most likely meaningless in the grand scheme of things. Do whatever makes your brain tingle. That's how I see it.
I just wish I'd have the capacity to fulfill myself the way I'd like to but I'm incapable to do so… what a wasted life….

I hear you.
The older you get the novelty has gone from everything. I'm a novelty seeker but the older you get, the big stuff has already been done. You've been in love, had sex, had a pet, had a child, been married or whatever….
The only firsts I get these days are reading a new author or cooking something different for dinner.

Sorry you're feeling this way, but I completely relate. It's like whenever you're filling one bar up the others are draining. Never a rest. Money can fix a lot of it. Pay people to clean the house, make the food, etc., but only so much.

I live with a guy who doesn't believe in hiring cleaners. He's an inverted snob. Would rather have a go at me for not doing it enough. I'd rather live on beans on toast and have a cleaner. I've no pride in this house, it can rot. It's somewhere to doss down, that is all.

 

[prisonerofexistence]

Life=responsibilities

 

[stupidhuman]

I hear you.
The older you get the novelty has gone from everything. I'm a novelty seeker but the older you get, the big stuff has already been done. You've been in love, had sex, had a pet, had a child, been married or whatever….
The only firsts I get these days are reading a new author or cooking something different for dinner.

What about drugs ? What keeps you personally from doing them ?
At one point it won't be that fun because of potential addiction I get that but have u tried psychodelic drugs ?

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Absolutely right. And there is no consideration for those no longer able to maintain.

I

What about drugs ? What keeps you personally from doing them ?
At one point it won't be that fun because of potential addiction I get that but have u tried psychodelic drugs ?

I've only tried pot.

I saw my first boyfriend get taken to the psych ward aged 17 after a bad trip and it put me off doing anything else.

 

[DoubleUp8]

I

I've only tried pot.

I saw my first boyfriend get taken to the psych ward aged 17 after a bad trip and it put me off doing anything else.

Best to stick with weed. Especially since any drug from illegal sources u never can be sure what's in it.

 

[FuneralCry]

Existing just feels like waiting to die for me as well, I see existence as so undesirable, meaningless and futile. If it's up to me I never would have chosen to exist, non-existence is really all I've ever wished for.

 

[prisonerofexistence]

The older you get the novelty has gone from everything. I'm a novelty seeker but the older you get, the big stuff has already been done. You've been in love, had sex, had a pet, had a child, been married or whatever….
The only firsts I get these days are reading a new author or cooking something different for dinner.

Damn, i didn't even tried any of that and I'm already depressed,i don't have any firsts except for a pet maybe,i don't even know what romantic love feels like,reading that part make me even more depressed.

 

[glossble]

Besides, to even enjoy life you always have to make an effort. We are like slaves to our bodies, If you do nothing, then you suffer. You need to constantly take care of your body so you at least don't feel discomfort. Take a shower, brush teeth, eat, sleep, use washroom, dress warmly if it's cold, find a cool place if it's hot, take care of your physical health, take care of your mental health, constantly entertain your brain so you don't feel bored, fight natural physical urges - for sleep, sex, love or for acceptance and recognition and 100+ more tasks that we must do every day just to avoid suffering. This is madness

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Damn, i didn't even tried any of that and I'm already depressed,i don't have any firsts except for a pet maybe,i don't even know what romantic love feels like,reading that part make me even more depressed.

Sorry. Out of all the things I mentioned, the pet was probably the best anyway x

Existing just feels like waiting to die for me as well, I see existence as so undesirable, meaningless and futile. If it's up to me I never would have chosen to exist, non-existence is really all I've ever wished for.

I agree. I feel like a problem that needs a final solution.

Besides, to even enjoy life you always have to make an effort. We are like slaves to our bodies, If you do nothing, then you suffer. You need to constantly take care of your body so you at least don't feel discomfort. Take a shower, brush teeth, eat, sleep, use washroom, dress warmly if it's cold, find a cool place if it's hot, take care of your physical health, take care of your mental health, constantly entertain your brain so you don't feel bored, fight natural physical urges - for sleep, sex, love or for acceptance and recognition and 100+ more tasks that we must do every day just to avoid suffering. This is madness

Yes. And the older you get, the more hassle that seems to entail. Your body is like a used car and your brain like a shit golden oldies station you can't untune.

 

[Sarros]

I wouldn't mind it if any of this shit was any fun.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

So true, so relatable. I feel the same way, living is maintenance, doing chores. As soon as I'm done with lunch I'm immediately thinking I'll have to prepare dinner in a couple of hours and it's just so exhausting. Keeping on top of the house kills me...it's so hard, every day I just feel like doing nothing but like another member mentioned, if you do nothing the body then starts aching and it's just impossible. Living is work...

 

[Sunset Limited]

It all started with the primate hitting that bone on the ground.

 

[Ligottian]

Life, at least most adult life, consists of a long series of tasks and problems that have to be solved. I'm dealing with some at the moment myself.