Life is hell

[Pomegranate]

I've been taking clomipramine and going to therapy for several months. Recently, I've gotten into acceptance therapy, telling myself I can handle all my distressing thoughts, instead of fighting them or running away from them. Today, I thought, "Hey, maybe I can go back and finish college, maybe even get into med school." But only then did OCD creep its snaky head. "Oh, maybe you're not really sick, why are you still receiving governmental assistance? Oh, you have an upcoming clinical trial, why are you on the waitlist if you're not sick anymore? Oh, what if you fail your classes and feel worse than before?"

Ugh!! I just finished weeping. I hate life. I hate the universe. I hate how pain is everywhere. I hate how pain was there tens of millions of years before we humans existed. I hate that there is no way to escape suffering but to kill oneself. This whole world revolves around survival rather than feeling good, and it's disgusting how natural selection can lead to something so messed up. I hate this life.

 

[PyramidHead]

Your feelings and condition are valid. I hope you get your thoughts sorted and things get better. The world is just unbelievably indifferent, and has a twisted sense of humor. Good luck, I hope your pain eases.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also hate existence itself and the suffering it's caused all throughout history, it's certainly something so horrific to me, I certainly see death as being the only relief in this hellish reality, I see the existence of life as being such a horrific mistake.