Life is finally showing, how much it hates me and wants me to CTB. Killing myself now, or later?

[Sadness20]

I had just been starting to feel better a few months ago, my mental health was getting better after 5 Years of fighting it. I wanted to go study at university, i wanted to move Places. I wanted this future. But from one day to the other, life just shows me how fucked up it is again. I went to the eye doctor yesterday because i've been seeing double for about 2 weeks now. I thought it wouldnt be anything bad and thought she'd just say it'll go away on its own. She sent me to the eye ambulance and they sent me to the neurology, they figured out that my right eye is moving slower than my left one. Thats because one of my eye nerves isnt working anymore. They then did a punction of my back and figured out that my infection rate is really high. They wanted me to stay at the hospital, so i did, today they found out that there is an infection in my brain, which could have no reason at all, or i could have MS. My mothers friend has MS and i know how bad it sucks. I'm done with this bullshit called life. I just destroyed a glass in the bathroom so i could at least cut. I'm not sure if i should wait until i recieve the diagnosis or if i should just try killing myself before? What do you guys say?

 

[Old Friend]

Sorry to hear. You should wait for whatever the diagnosis is and assess what you're up against.

 

[Sadness20]

Sorry to hear. You should wait for whatever the diagnosis is and assess what you're up against.

I'm just not sure i really want to know. Right now i just want to die so badly. I have glass shards and i'm thinking of trying to cut my wrists....

 

[Old Friend]

I understand but once you know what you're dealing with, you'll be in a better position to make any related decisions. It might be MS but it might also be something not so bad that will resolve itself.

Sorry I can't be of more help than that. I've had a health scare before and it was very stressful.

 

[Sadness20]

I understand but once you know what you're dealing with, you'll be in a better position to make any related decisions. It might be MS but it might also be something not so bad that will resolve itself.

Sorry I can't be of more help than that. I've had a health scare before and it was very stressful.

I'm just done. My depression started with 14 years old. By 17 i had the diagnosis of BPD. I'm now 19 and this is just too much.

 

[Old Friend]

BPD is a heavy cross to bear. I'm so sorry.

Please try and sit tight for now. I know it's horrible. I'm waiting for the results of an MRI scan at the moment. Could be a tumour but I've been assured it's a very slight chance.

Last time they thought I might have Wilsons Disease. Dead by 30 usually. Drove myself mad with worry.

 

[Sadness20]

BPD is a heavy cross to bear. I'm so sorry.

Please try and sit tight for now. I know it's horrible. I'm waiting for the results of an MRI scan at the moment. Could be a tumour but I've been assured it's a very slight chance.

Last time they thought I might have Wilsons Disease. Dead by 30 usually. Drove myself mad with worry.

It ended up really being MS. I freaked and locked myself in the bathroom and wanted to cut my wrist while crying hysterically. I'm now in the closed psych ward.

 

[Old Friend]

It ended up really being MS. I freaked and locked myself in the bathroom and wanted to cut my wrist while crying hysterically. I'm now in the closed psych ward.

Oh gosh. I'm so sorry.

Hopefully it can be managed, now you know what you're fighting against.

My very best wishes to you.