Life is cruel

[No capacity]

I am venting here. Was visited last week by the mental health assessment team who said they smelt gas in my house. i hadn't smelt it but I am a smoker so they left it as is. They visited again last night and said the gas smell was strong and called an engineer who declared it a "major" gas leak. Turned off the gas and told me not to use anything, I am now freezing in bed, not heating, no hot water to shower and all the while thinking if the gas was THAT strong had I had the physical or emotional strength to actually cook for myself I could be well away in la la land now, but now they have cut it. I could have had an answer to my problems that wasn't even linked to suicide and I didn't even know because i have zero sense of smell (which is akin with zero sense of thirst, exhaustion or any normal bodily functions us non wanting to survivors have! I am angry. I should have just mustered up the energy or hunger for a lasagne last week and would have been out. I live alone so wouldn't have risked others.