Life is a game that I never decided to play

[Versailles]

I think about every injury I've received in the past, every abuse, every spit and slap in life, and I realize that for some reason I'm playing this game in hardcore mode and there is no possibility to lower the difficulty of this game.

I mean, out there I see people who, have fulfilling lives, look happy, have friends, get invited to parties, and apparently they always have someone to lend a hand when they need it. They may not be the best players but nonetheless, they can keep the balance at a neutral point and sometimes make everything work out for them in one or many ways.

For my part, I never had the necessary preparation to know how to manage in this game, being autistic and disabled and possibly with BPD is an extra sentence that adds more difficulty to everything, it is as if having heavy shackles tied to your feet, it prevents you from flying towards what you have always wanted to achieve because you were never favored by life or genetics and therefore you must settle for a life of shit where, surely, you will have to make twice the effort that a common person does and current so as not to fall into the abyss and suddenly lose everything.

For years I have been a victim of the cruel discrimination towards the mentally ill that exists in our society, the "we are fighting to eliminate the stigmatization towards mental illnesses" that society is proclaiming today is just a cruel facade to cover up the horrible reality. Being mentally ill is equal to a life sentence, and even more so if you were born in a very poor country.

I still can't forget how 2 kids teased me by calling me sick, because in real life, my way of acting and moving is quite strange compared to normal people. I'm not sure how much I can bear this like this but I'm pretty sure of something, life is not worth it for me, the suffering and pain that I have endured and will endure later are not worth it, it is not worth the effort in a life in where the cards are already drawn and your destiny has already been written. There is nothing to make up for the pain I lived through, nothing.

Saying "life is like this" is the only way to avoid the hard results I have obtained after trying to ascend and fight again and again, I have no hope at this moment and I have thrown myself into the deepest abyss I have ever known, the exit seems easy but hard to take.

I just know that at some point I have to get out of this game and I hope I never have to be a player again, I HAVE ENOUGH!!

 

[wantittoendsoon]

I agree 100%. I like to look at it like this, "The Gift of Life, How do I return it"

 

[FuneralCry]

I view life as being such a terrible concept, I see it as being a tragedy how life is even able to exist at all, with existing beings having the ability to suffer so much with chance determining everything. I've never wished to exist and could never do, and I see life as being something best avoided. I only believe that the non existent are the true fortunate ones as they are no longer burdened with existence. Your feelings of wishing to leave are completely understandable, such a thing as existence could never be worth it for me as well, there is no benefit to being trapped here just to suffer, deteriorate and die anyway.

Continuing to delay the inevitable just leads to unnecessary torment and problems, and in a world as hellish as this there could never be any real relief from suffering and this is simply the reality. Of course it doesn't surprise me that so many wish to ctb and I envy those who have already left.

 

[Darkover]

life is so pointless and boring this world is so shit dull depressing i wouldn't ever want to exist in such a rubbish place, life won't ever be worth coming alive it will always be unsatisfactory disappointing, i'm seeking to destroy all that there is into there is nothing left the real miracle is to never exist

 

[CTB Dream]

Ya life awful this imps bl not only hard this bad game no able play. Was play was play als always try escape now injury damage wat play. Vry awful no choice bad desgni alll awful. This all trama injury damage illne, this injury damage me agnsti universe lone no weapon Nothing., awfuul life cruel l

 

[Unending]

Definitely agree with this HARD. Living with mental illness very much is a life sentence in my case, at least I have plenty of reason to feel that way. Even if I got better because I decided to stick it out for several more years, I will never think this was worth it. I'm sorry we're all suffering, it truly is a horrible fate to endure.

 

[krxbs]

i know what you all mean. neurotypicals make life so unnecessarily hard for so many of us because they don't care to understand. in my case, i really want to get counseling for my strongly suspected adhd and try to go for therapy, but i've been ridiculed by family and close friends after bringing it up. my folks are actually actively making it harder for me to get diagnosed, which sucks.
i know you're hurting and that's valid, but i just wanted to remind you that despite everything that other people say, there's nothing wrong with you for being different. people are assholes and it sucks to have to deal with them while still managing your symptoms, but i really hope all of you find better days ahead of you and manage to surround yourself with people who love and understand you. sending love to everyone here who's hurting. one way or another, it won't have to be like this forever.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I don't have autism, or any disability for that matter, either physical or mental, and life has still kicked my ass. I can't even imagine how much harder everything is for those who do have disabilities.

 

[Versailles]

I agree 100%. I like to look at it like this, "The Gift of Life, How do I return it"

I wish I never got that "gift"

Ya life awful this imps bl not only hard this bad game no able play. Was play was play als always try escape now injury damage wat play. Vry awful no choice bad desgni alll awful. This all trama injury damage illne, this injury damage me agnsti universe lone no weapon Nothing., awfuul life cruel l

You are right, many of us try again and again to play this game, and the result is the same: lose.

i know what you all mean. neurotypicals make life so unnecessarily hard for so many of us because they don't care to understand. in my case, i really want to get counseling for my strongly suspected adhd and try to go for therapy, but i've been ridiculed by family and close friends after bringing it up. my folks are actually actively making it harder for me to get diagnosed, which sucks.
i know you're hurting and that's valid, but i just wanted to remind you that despite everything that other people say, there's nothing wrong with you for being different. people are assholes and it sucks to have to deal with them while still managing your symptoms, but i really hope all of you find better days ahead of you and manage to surround yourself with people who love and understand you. sending love to everyone here who's hurting. one way or another, it won't have to be like this forever.

I'm sorry, it's terrible that even people close to you don't understand you, and even worse, make fun of you. all this is unfair