Venting Life in eternal purgatory

[dunkelheit]

I don't even know whats going on anymore. I feel like my mind has lived through several lifetimes. I've wanted to die for almost 10 years now and I don't think it's ever going to change.

99.9% of the people I have ever known are gone... long gone, some even embracing death. The inevitable consequences of having people force me to interact with others from an early age... they thought socializing would improve me but only destroyed my mind even further. They honestly thought an autistic, alienating piece of shit like me would ever be liked by another human being.

Years pass, nothing changes, years pass, nothing changes. I never felt at home anywhere. I never belonged, even among people with similar interests I just wanted to run off and isolate myself.

Now in my 20s, I live alone and all I do is work and compose music in my home studio. I have nobody, I want nobody and nobody needs me. My remaining friends are my guitars and a roped up tree.

I'm a slave to seroquel and anti-depressants. It changes nothing, the only difference being I'm a depressed suicidal cunt with chronic fatigue. I'm tired of it, I'm tired of being.

I'm tired of being. I'm. tired. of. being.

 

[Dead_Inside]

I often have that feeling.... "I feel like my mind has lived through several lifetimes". .... this life is lasting so long. I don't know how to deal with that.

 

[MsM3talGamer]

I know the feeling you describe. Pure exhaustion, fatigue and sick of everything. If there's an afterlife, my soul needs a bloody long vacation.