Life full of pain

[Chris]

Since before I was even a teen I've had thoughts of suicide and I'm 24 now, maybe it was my mom passing when I was 7 from drug overdose, maybe it was me growing up in foster care, to be honest I don't even know myself or why I do the things or think the the way I do. I have attempted suicide a few times, at 18, i slit my wrist in a warm bath but my brother walked in, and another time I slit my wrist in the same spot and went to sleep hoping to never wake up but my blood had dryed up stopping the flow, 3 times I have swallowed a bottle full of Tylenol pm which was horrible due to extreme hallucinations. To be honest not knowing where I'm going to go after I die scares me the most, but obviously not enough. Stupid things have kept me alive such as drug addictions and cigarettes cause if I'm dead I can't smoke anymore(stupid I know). So many years of suicidal thoughts and mental issues make the thought of suicide warming in a way. It's crazy how some people are so alive while others are so dead inside. In the past I have asked God to not let me wake up, to give me a heart attack or I've been in a car and wished it would crash. I'm not looking for sympathy since some people on here are probably the same as me, I'm just simply expressing my thoughts and reality in this cold world we live in.

 

[Justanotherconsumer]

I think i seriously concidered it at 21, after realizing that life is about the same problems over and over its never stopped still the same at 50. I caught a felony on a bogus charge at 30 its been a very low level existence ever since not worthy of the pain of life at all. I asked god so many times to both relieve me of the false conviction and never to wake up, i now realize there will never be an answer so i dont bother with it anymore, which is actually a big relief the practice is incredibly disempowering. There may be a "spinozas" like god but he certainly does not respond, we may as well be a flea or ant. I have attempted many times over the last 20 yrs. Last by co, in a car 10lbs of charcoal i cant believe it dident work.

 

[Wantingpeace]

Not knowing where going after death is only thing keeping here

Since before I was even a teen I've had thoughts of suicide and I'm 24 now, maybe it was my mom passing when I was 7 from drug overdose, maybe it was me growing up in foster care, to be honest I don't even know myself or why I do the things or think the the way I do. I have attempted suicide a few times, at 18, i slit my wrist in a warm bath but my brother walked in, and another time I slit my wrist in the same spot and went to sleep hoping to never wake up but my blood had dryed up stopping the flow, 3 times I have swallowed a bottle full of Tylenol pm which was horrible due to extreme hallucinations. To be honest not knowing where I'm going to go after I die scares me the most, but obviously not enough. Stupid things have kept me alive such as drug addictions and cigarettes cause if I'm dead I can't smoke anymore(stupid I know). So many years of suicidal thoughts and mental issues make the thought of suicide warming in a way. It's crazy how some people are so alive while others are so dead inside. In the past I have asked God to not let me wake up, to give me a heart attack or I've been in a car and wished it would crash. I'm not looking for sympathy since some people on here are probably the same as me, I'm just simply expressing my thoughts and reality in this cold world we live in.