Venting Life feels meaningless when your broke

[PenguinsAreCool]

Been scratching at myself for hours trying to look for jobs that will be a good fit. But I always end up thinking how immature, selfish or childish I am.

I can't even get a simple job, I can't go to an interview without wanting to kill myself.
I havent slept all night, trying to fix my sleep schedule, but being up and thinking about money is so so demoralizing.

I wake up to do nothing, im a piece of nothing. Im a NEET living in their mom's basement, playing games and watching YouTube.

Ive lived a nothing life.

I can't even help my mom with her debt, let alone fix my debt either. Im useless. I dont know if I should kill myself or try to keep going. I know I have many people who care for me, and I dont want to leave them.. But feeling like a useless piece of crap really hurts. My heart hurts, its hard to breathe. I just wish I could disappear. I wish I didnt have to deal with these emotions. I hate it here.

Im trying to get better but its so so hard. I dont know if I can keep going.

Im rambling, my posts make no sense. Sorry. Everything gets jumbled when I try to type or write it out.

 

[moonmuse]

its okay but wdym by neet?

 

[starboy2k]

its okay but wdym by neet?

Not in
Education
Employment or
Training

 

[DoAnythingMore]

I despise the fact that money corrupts so many people. From exploitation to greed, the fact that it's so unfairly shared and spread across the world. There are some good sides to it, but in my head the bad sides take all my thoughts.

Why is it that there are people out there literally saving lives weekly, making big scientific discoveries or technological improvements, improving the lives of the poor and unfortunate while they themselves can barely pay rent? All while some people just get lucky and are born into a wealthy family, never having to work a day in their life, or manage to get lucky with saying some stupid shit on social media or creating shit and low-effort content and they get rich out of being a fluke. And the culture of flexing is so fucking toxic in my opinion, it really takes the humanity out of humans. Sorry, rant over.

I know how you feel. I've been applying for jobs in my field and haven't been able to even get to an interview in years. Even if I managed to get a job I don't think that I would be able to hold it, let alone enjoy it. I just can't see myself working any job. I've done nothing useful in my last 3 years and I know it's going to continue.

You said you're trying to get better and that's great! You clearly still have dreams of getting out of your situation and being able to provide for you and your family.
I don't know if this helps at all but I think you should keep going. If you still enjoy living to some extent but hate your current situation there's always a good possibility that your situation will get better, especially if you stay persistent. It's going to be very hard and honestly I don't think anyone should have to do it themselves. I don't know if you've tried any mental health services or medication but it might be something to take a look at. It very well could help you more than you think.

I'm sorry you feel that way. I wish you all the best. You can make it, just don't give up yet. It'll be worth it. I promise. <3

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I'm not poor, but I'm definitely not rich. I'm able to pay my rent and bills, but I used to think the same way. I was a NEET at one point and I thought going to college and getting a job would help. I've achieved both of those.

College classes make me very miserable, and employment, while obviously having the benefit of paying me and allowing me to pay my bills, hasn't given me any purpose or meaning. I'm still hopelessly searching.

 

[sorrowfullyliving]

I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope that you find what you're looking for. You're trying your best, it's not your fault. The terrible truth is that existence is cruel and unfair, so an individual have to decide for themselves whether or not to continue participating in this shithole

 

[flip_bug]

Been scratching at myself for hours trying to look for jobs that will be a good fit. But I always end up thinking how immature, selfish or childish I am.

I can't even get a simple job, I can't go to an interview without wanting to kill myself.
I havent slept all night, trying to fix my sleep schedule, but being up and thinking about money is so so demoralizing.

I wake up to do nothing, im a piece of nothing. Im a NEET living in their mom's basement, playing games and watching YouTube.

Ive lived a nothing life.

I can't even help my mom with her debt, let alone fix my debt either. Im useless. I dont know if I should kill myself or try to keep going. I know I have many people who care for me, and I dont want to leave them.. But feeling like a useless piece of crap really hurts. My heart hurts, its hard to breathe. I just wish I could disappear. I wish I didnt have to deal with these emotions. I hate it here.

Im trying to get better but its so so hard. I dont know if I can keep going.

Im rambling, my posts make no sense. Sorry. Everything gets jumbled when I try to type or write it out.

Money buys freedom, it is extremely unfair, not having the financial freedom that others are so graciously given makes life extremely difficult. Sorry you are struggling with this. It sucks. It's unfair & it's not right

 

[monetpompo]

I can't even get a simple job, I can't go to an interview without wanting to kill myself.
I havent slept all night, trying to fix my sleep schedule, but being up and thinking about money is so so demoralizing.

I wake up to do nothing, im a piece of nothing. Im a NEET living in their mom's basement, playing games and watching YouTube.

Ive lived a nothing life.

i've felt this way since enrolling in college and then dropping out because my suicidal thoughts were getting worse. a part of me is afraid to enroll back into my classes because i don't want to be seen on campus again, even though i feel lonely and bored being at home all the time. struggling to go to community college makes me feel like scum, but at least i haven't gotten loans yet.

some nights i feel so afraid that i'll fade into nothing and no one will care, like i won't be able to register any physical sensations. being broke really means that you have nothing look forward to. well off people or even people with any money don't feel guilty or shame knowing they either have tl ask people for money or stay at home doing nothing. it's hard for me to pick up hobbies because i just get consumed by my thoughts.

i want to get better too. there are people that want to believe in me but i break down a lot and get angry at myself because i feel like i have nothing to offer someone looking for employees. it's hard to think that you can get better when it's such a dark mindset to be in. every day i just wonder why i don't just go into cardiac arrest.