
Toxic Positivity
At my own pace
- Feb 11, 2022
- 95
I am getting a gun to kill myself. In so many aspects, I feel like I didn't have a choice. I didn't choose to be born. I didn't want to go to college. I didn't want to drop out. I didn't want to deal with low-wage, uninteresting jobs that are available for someone who has little to offer on a resume. The system, by which I mean capitalism, has a place for people like me: at the bottom. I didn't consent to this hierarchy, either.
After turning 30 and dropping out of school a second time, I am realizing that I absolutely do not consent to live the long and difficult life ahead of me. People say to keep hope, that things will get better if I work at them. But what I want is to let go. I don't want to struggle anymore. I don't want to live with my failure, and with society's failure, to give me guidance.
Put very simply, people who do not want to live should not have to. This week I am acquiring a rifle and ammunition. I will put the barrel of the rifle in my mouth and FINALLY exercise what feels like CHOICE in this world. I do not have to live the life that is ahead of me. That is up to me.
After turning 30 and dropping out of school a second time, I am realizing that I absolutely do not consent to live the long and difficult life ahead of me. People say to keep hope, that things will get better if I work at them. But what I want is to let go. I don't want to struggle anymore. I don't want to live with my failure, and with society's failure, to give me guidance.
Put very simply, people who do not want to live should not have to. This week I am acquiring a rifle and ammunition. I will put the barrel of the rifle in my mouth and FINALLY exercise what feels like CHOICE in this world. I do not have to live the life that is ahead of me. That is up to me.