Left my abusive relationship

[itsthattime]

im a man, so this is a weird territory for me. my partner was a female who emotionally abused me. its taken about a year, but i finally made the decision to move back with my parents. my computer, all my nice clothes, and my teddy bear i was given at birth are still in her room though, and i wont be able to pick any of it up for days. im so fucking scared shes gonna break all my shit, and im going to have to restart life completely, with no possessions. she has never broken any of my shit before, but i know she has access to alcohol and then everything goes out the window. how do i cope if i lose everything that had meaning to me? how do i move on?

 

[39hatsune]

hey, just want to let you know you are not alone. i am currently escaping an abusive relationship too, it will get better im sure if she does end up breaking your things, then that further solidifies the fact that you need to get out of there, and that you are making the right choice

about moving on, i feel as though it will get better with time. its very very hard but after you get your things and tie any loose ends there may be, cut all contact. dont involve yourself with her in any way including hearing about her. so if maybe you have any mutual friends, ask them to refrain from ever speaking about her

just realise that you deserve BETTER and you deserve real love, not any form of abuse

i hope it all goes well for you, good luck

 

[witchbimbo]

So proud of both of you for working to get away from your abusers!

I've been there too. Multiple times because I never learn a lesson quickly.

I also completely understand worrying about your stuff and how you could move on without it all. I was nearly homeless at the end of the year and my first thought upon realizing that was how to get a place for my stuff. No me, my belongings. I felt so silly but I've already lost so much and I just felt like that would be what broke me.

So understand how much it would hurt, but hatsune is 100% right that it would only further solidify you being right to leave.

Still, I hope you're able to get your things back without damage. Sending you all the best luck vibes!

 

[lakefish]

glad to hear people are making their life better every day

 

[MapleS]

I'm very proud of you. It must be an insanely hard decision

 

[itsthattime]

i havent heard from her yet, im really tempted to text her and ask her not to break my stuff but im afraid thatll just give her the idea. im just thinking, ill have to probably rent a u-haul to get all my shit, should i ask her to leave while i pack my stuff? because if shes in the room with me i know shes gonna try to manipulate me or something. i dont have any friends that could come with me to help, my parents will be busy so itll just be me packing my shit. ive had to move my stuff out of my exes places before, but it was a mutual breakup so it was way easier. i also recognize i could be totally paranoid right now and my shit is fine. i hate the limbo of not knowing. its eating me alive.

 

[deny_conformity]

Looking back at my marriage my ex was emotionally abusive towards me, but you know it was always my fault. I guess I should be glad the trash took itself out. I miss the good times but there was a lot of shit too.

Now I just need to find a new person who treats me right.

You were right to get out of there, I wish I had your courage to get out before things got where they did. You're still young enough to easily find someone better! I'm in the awkward range where people are married with kids and before they divorce .

My care coordinator says some people don't cope very well outside of relationships and my 15 year gap in self-harm was due to my ex (and the four years before that was another ex, and the two years before that was someone else). So I think she is definitely right that I need to be in a relationship to find value in myself.

 

[itsthattime]

its gotten so much worse. i didnt sleep at all last night, and i started texting them again, and theyre still blaming me for everything. i admitted to my mom that last bight was really hard, and she basically said if you go back to her you arent our son anymore. i wish i could die right now. so so so bad. its all i want. i was recovering but i really feel like its time to head back to the suicide board

 

[deny_conformity]

its gotten so much worse. i didnt sleep at all last night, and i started texting them again, and theyre still blaming me for everything. i admitted to my mom that last bight was really hard, and she basically said if you go back to her you arent our son anymore. i wish i could die right now. so so so bad. its all i want. i was recovering but i really feel like its time to head back to the suicide board

Be strong, remember the reasons you left in the first place. Don't let her get to you or you're just in for even more pain. I don't know you (apart from the few posts you have here) but your mom is right. I think she'd still keep you but I imagine she just doesn't want to keep seeing you get hurt.