Venting Leaving tonight

[Releasefrompressure]

100% dying tonight just after midnight. No doubt in my mind. Already told my wife who will be along side me.

Going to be drinking Nembual. Worried a bit about the pain after drinking it as my stomach is bit bad but I'm going for it anyway.


Not sure i will document it unless there is great desire for this as there are videos already with dignitas.

11 hours left to go. :)


Main fear is of 'nothingness' after death but I am confident that won't be the case.

I am not sure I am ready mentally but I am going through with it either way, my feeling is there is going to be no perfect time to die and always there will be issues so gotta get on with it.
Si is a real thing by the way but even in hopeless situations it comes. You have to fight against it with will power and almost desire to die otherwise you will fail.

You can put off ctb for a lifetime with excuses but there will never be a 'good time' to do it. So you have to make it work no matter how much your brain fights against you with si.

You will spend a lifetime waiting for the 'right moment' otherwise.

 

[AQUA]

Wow! It's weird to read this knowing you won't be alive much longer!

I'm sorry life has come to this ending for you; I hope with my whole heart that in those final moments when seconds start to feel like hours, and your soul begins to flicker away like a dying cosmic star, you feel closure and acceptance in all aspects of your life and what led you to them.

If you want to support the people you're leaving behind beyond the grave, some advice would be to make a few videos of yourself talking and doing a variety of things. Also, taking a few pictures would probably be a good idea too. All this will help them grieve and not forget you in the long run by abstracting you down to a name on your headstone or the charred remains of your body in a tin/urn.

I wish you luck in your transition tonight!
It's never too late to take a step back now so you can glide forth in the future <3 No shame in it

 

[whitefeather]

Scientist/author David Whyte states " suicide is a highest of human achievements "

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not see nothingness as something to be scared of as we simply cease to exist. It is like how before we were born, time passed and yet we were not aware of anything. I hope you find peace and relief from suffering, I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you. I can imagine that it must be comforting having the option of N. I wish you the best.

 

[hankbank3928]

Thank you for the encouragement. I find your words very satisfying.

 

[MatthewV3]

I hope everything will go well for you. Good luck. Safe travels.

 

[Wizard999666]

I believe in reincarnation, maybe we'll meet in our next lives. Godspeed, brother.

 

[Releasefrompressure]

Thanks for kind words everyone. I am going in few hours . Feel bit terrified I can't lie, but this is my first and last attempt. I will do it anyway even if in fear.

 

[hankbank3928]

Thanks for kind words everyone. I am going in few hours . Feel bit terrified I can't lie, but this is my first and last attempt. I will do it anyway even if in fear.

Your a warrior and a hero!

 

[Releasefrompressure]

Anxiety rocketing. I think this because I've come off my meds in preparation. Going to move it forward a couple hours and leave in 2 hours or so. Maybe 3.

There is still no doubts i am doing it. SI causing me all kinds of problems though. i thought i would be able to attempt without it playing much of a factor but it's kicking in and the sitting on my hands doing nothing making it worse.

My advise for anyone is to expect strong si but know you have to fight to overcome it, rather than expecting it to magically go away.


Probably my last message, I won't back out even if the feeling gets worse x 100, it has to be tonight and has to be done.

Hope there is some form of afterlife. I'd really like to see some of the people i have lost through the years again so badly and my wife again one day..


Thanks everyone for the support in last few days.

 

[hankbank3928]

I hope you find the strength you need!

 

[Cryptonite]

Much respect for you bro!

 

[Donk]

sorry life has brought you to do this decision. its not too late to change your mind and I support your decision either way. Wish you a peaceful journey

 

[Sleeper System]

Your words have moved me sir. It will never be "the right time" to do it. What a strong message. Thank you for that. I hope that when my times comes that I can be as courageous as you. Go silently into the night.

 

[xo777]

i'm scared of nothingness also but i'm pretty sure there will be something there and i hope it's everything you ever wanted
if you decide to go to tonight i wish you all the best and i hope you are the happiest and find all the healing/peace you deserve

good luck on your journey sending hugs x

 

[Sakura94]

hoping you come back x

 

[CrossroadsCurious]

Peace be your journey!

 

[Glowarm]

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you find peace, comfort and happiness.

 

[Sleeper System]

I hope you find what you seek and that peace is found one way or another.

 

[Achlys]

I hope you find what you desire should you decide tonight is your time. Wishing you peace.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

I hope you find peace.

 

[imcurious]

May your soul Rest In Peace

 

[dredd1981]

I hope you had a peaceful journey

 

[hankbank3928]

Are you still with us?

 

[Judy Garland]

I hope you are with your loved ones in heaven now. Thank you for the inspirational words about SI, you spoke very true. It won't just go away one day making anyone ready, but it must be fought even up to the last second. Be at peace now, heaven is home, and I'll be going there soon too.

 

[T90-Alpha]

i hope you are in a better place now
rest in peace

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I hope you find the peace desired