Help Leaving Loved Ones Behind

[harvardreject]

I'm about to place N order & it's been feeling extremely puzzled. The thing is ….. I have just started a relationship AFTER having joined SS. For some fucking reason I fell in love with a guy, confessed to him & became his girlfriend despite my membership here. No idea why ….. I was already set on N & had enough money to buy 2 - 3 portions of it, so why did I do this.

He knew about SS beforehand, and what I wanted to buy (I didn't tell him the forum name & replaced N with Cyanide to protect the forum's confidentiality). Yet he still chose to be with me & loved me desperately. He wanted to marry me one day & stayed up until 4 AM helping me rest & comforting me through my depression. But we have never met in person, so I don't know if this would work. I don't wanna go through a failed relationship ever again, but at the same time I don't wanna hurt him.

He wanted me to place faith in him, stop preparation for ordering N & leave the forum. But I need some guarantee in life after all that i have been through.

So what do you guys think I should do? Please help this is so puzzling to me I don't know what to do

 

[lonleycrowdedwest]

Hey, I'm sorry you're going through this. Take a second to breathe and think, another few weeks isn't that much more. How old are you

 

[someonelse]

Maybe you should give yourself a little time and see how things develop with this guy. If you have your N you know it's there and will be there for you if/when you need it. But you don't need to rush into it if the time isn't right. I don't know. I'm planning on ctb next week with SN which just arrived in the mail. I know it's time but if something were to change for me I would consider postponing but as of now there's nothing worth postponing for. Does he live far away from you? Do you want to meet him in person soon to see what it feels like? I guess I feel like if there's doubt you should listen to that. It's obviously a huge decision.

 

[gottago222]

how can you be inlove with someone you never met in the physical? you cant feel someones energy through a screen. in reality, you dont even know this person. you dont know their true intentions. but, it is your life, you can do whatever you want and give it a chance. think through this thoroughly. sorry if i sound like a bitch. just had many life experiences in my short life and im overly paranoid of people

 

[harvardreject]

Hey, I'm sorry you're going through this. Take a second to breathe and think, another few weeks isn't that much more. How old are you

i'm only 20

how can you be inlove with someone you never met in the physical? you cant feel someones energy through a screen. in reality, you dont even know this person. you dont know their true intentions. but, it is your life, you can do whatever you want and give it a chance. think through this thoroughly. sorry if i sound like a bitch. just had many life experiences in my short life and im overly paranoid of people

no worries pal. i am the same tbh. been down this road too many times
he

Maybe you should give yourself a little time and see how things develop with this guy. If you have your N you know it's there and will be there for you if/when you need it. But you don't need to rush into it if the time isn't right. I don't know. I'm planning on ctb next week with SN which just arrived in the mail. I know it's time but if something were to change for me I would consider postponing but as of now there's nothing worth postponing for. Does he live far away from you? Do you want to meet him in person soon to see what it feels like? I guess I feel like if there's doubt you should listen to that. It's obviously a huge decision.

he's in the UK whilst i'm gonna be in Australia. despite Australia's border law forbidding him from entering, he's been doing a lot for us to see each other asap so i could have a legit reason to survive. he cries a lot at the thought of me leaving him behind & is willing to pay for all expenses to get me to the UK

 

[Interloper]

He sounds a bit desperate, definitely keep your guard up. Where did you meet him if you don't mind me asking?

 

[harvardreject]

He sounds a bit desperate, definitely keep your guard up. Where did you meet him if you don't mind me asking?

i haven't met him. that's why i'm reluctant to listen to him & stay. i wanna order SN/N ASAP still as a back-up plan

 

[Interloper]

i haven't met him. that's why i'm reluctant to listen to him & stay. i wanna order SN/N ASAP still as a back-up plan

I know, I'm just asking how/where you started talking to him online. If that is info you wish to share anyways.

 

[harvardreject]

I know, I'm just asking how/where you started talking to him online. If that is info you wish to share anyways.

i was about to die & wanted some people to distract my SI so it could stop bothering me. i went to the facebook group of my idol's fandom asking for some company

 

[Interloper]

i was about to die & wanted some people to distract my SI so it could stop bothering me. i went to the facebook group of my idol's fandom asking for some company

Alright, I was just a bit concerned it might have been some other kind of support forum where people preyed on vulnerable people. Do you think the falling in love part was a sort of 'red button' reaction from your brain, knowing what's potentially coming? I experienced something similar last week.

Regardless, stay safe.

 

[harvardreject]

Alright, I was just a bit concerned it might have been some other kind of support forum where people preyed on vulnerable people. Do you think the falling in love part was a sort of 'red button' reaction from your brain, knowing what's potentially coming? I experienced something similar last week.

Regardless, stay safe.

i honestly think my brain really did react like that because it knew of the N thing. i confessed to him actually. even tho it was me who made the first move he had been so appreciative of having me in his life. he cried happy tears just because i changed from ordering N to ordering SN (of course i didn't name these two substances to him. changed N into Cyanide & SN into "a bunch of random drugs)

 

[DieAnotherDay]

I'm about to place N order & it's been feeling extremely puzzled. The thing is ….. I have just started a relationship AFTER having joined SS. For some fucking reason I fell in love with a guy, confessed to him & became his girlfriend despite my membership here. No idea why ….. I was already set on N & had enough money to buy 2 - 3 portions of it, so why did I do this.

He knew about SS beforehand, and what I wanted to buy (I didn't tell him the forum name & replaced N with Cyanide to protect the forum's confidentiality). Yet he still chose to be with me & loved me desperately. He wanted to marry me one day & stayed up until 4 AM helping me rest & comforting me through my depression. But we have never met in person, so I don't know if this would work. I don't wanna go through a failed relationship ever again, but at the same time I don't wanna hurt him.

He wanted me to place faith in him, stop preparation for ordering N & leave the forum. But I need some guarantee in life after all that i have been through.

So what do you guys think I should do? Please help this is so puzzling to me I don't know what to do

I would be careful that he isn't trying to take advantage of you in some way. People will try to take advantage of you by being nice but then only to use that against you.

 

[Kobusu]

I'm about to place N order & it's been feeling extremely puzzled. The thing is ….. I have just started a relationship AFTER having joined SS. For some fucking reason I fell in love with a guy, confessed to him & became his girlfriend despite my membership here. No idea why ….. I was already set on N & had enough money to buy 2 - 3 portions of it, so why did I do this.

He knew about SS beforehand, and what I wanted to buy (I didn't tell him the forum name & replaced N with Cyanide to protect the forum's confidentiality). Yet he still chose to be with me & loved me desperately. He wanted to marry me one day & stayed up until 4 AM helping me rest & comforting me through my depression. But we have never met in person, so I don't know if this would work. I don't wanna go through a failed relationship ever again, but at the same time I don't wanna hurt him.

He wanted me to place faith in him, stop preparation for ordering N & leave the forum. But I need some guarantee in life after all that i have been through.

So what do you guys think I should do? Please help this is so puzzling to me I don't know what to do

I actually had almost the exact same thing happen to me. The thing is, she is mentally ill too and I'm much too taxing for her or myself, so things didn't work out. I would say try your best! Try to make things work if you can, because it's a wonderful thing to be in love. Hell, I could never tell her this because it's toxic as fuck, but the short time I had with her kept me from killing myself. Not that that's a good thing, but it just happens to be the truth of the matter. I would say that you should give it a chance, no matter how scary it is to. 頑張れ！頑張れ！