Leaving loved ones behind

[sheepgirl]

The main thing that has kept me here in over 10 years of struggling is my loved ones, especially my mum and dad. My family have been through so much including losing my sister to cancer when she was 6. My mum said if she didn't have me (I was a baby then) she would have killed herself. I just can't imagine putting her through that grief again, my mum has suffered too much, my dad too. But also I just can't do it anymore. I can't do life. I can't live with this pain anymore. I've tried recovery so many times for so long but always end up failing. I wish I could be like some people and not care about what happens after I'm dead but I do. What do I do in this situation? How do I say goodbye?

 

[Goukan「強姦」]

I feel you, I'm staying for my dad. I have a lack of empathy so it never really affected much, as annoying at its been in my life, I never cared how much one loved me. Only my dad tried SO hard to keep me on this earth I have accepted his wishes until he is on this earth.

You'll either have to accept the reality that ending your life WILL ruin other life and probably kill your mother or accept that life is utter shit and you'll just have to cope with the pain of it until you accept the first option or you out live your parents.

Sadly life won't make compromise and sweet magic solution to death.
You can make yourself so delusional from pain or drugs to make it pass better but reality won't change.

Hope it dosent sound TOO harsh I'm just trying to be real here.

 

[FuneralCry]

I guess to say farewell one could always write notes, I really wouldn't recommend being open about suicide plans as it could just cause other people to interfere. It does sound like a painful situation to be in, but the fact is that grief and loss are just inevitable as long as one exists here, there is no escaping from it. We all have to die and lose everything someday.

 

[Sparx]

I understand this, I feel awful about doing this to my Dad. But he has shown very little sympathy to me since losing my Mum (one of the reasons I'm planning to ctb) saying that 'people die' and 'I just have to deal with it'. Well he's going to have to take a taste of his own medicine and deal with it when I'm gone.

 

[Death is my goal]

i used to care about that but not anymore, the more i suffer the less i care

 

[nightshade00]

I guess to say farewell one could always write notes, I really wouldn't recommend being open about suicide plans as it could just cause other people to interfere. It does sound like a painful situation to be in, but the fact is that grief and loss are just inevitable as long as one exists here, there is no escaping from it. We all have to die and lose everything someday.

This is how I'm approaching things. I don't want to be open about things, because I'm afraid they'd interfere. But I want to soften the blow as much as I can, and to me that includes writing notes trying to apologize and explain my actions.

 

[nosoul]

i used to care about that but not anymore, the more i suffer the less i care

This is my feelings unfortunately

 

[Ambivalent1]

Other people aren't real.

 

[jonghyun]

Its the same for me, it would destroy the lives of my parents and siblings. But are we just meant to live in purgatory? It depends whether you feel you can suffer in the place of others or not. Or like someone else said, wait until you outlive them. they will always be devastated

 

[Mywill]

This always struggles me when I be ready to ctb, I loved my family, especially my mother. I've been thinking about taking them with me. I know it's fucked up but Is there a choice ? Either knowing they will be devastated or helping them from suffering from my loss.

 

[squirley]

The main thing that has kept me here in over 10 years of struggling is my loved ones, especially my mum and dad. My family have been through so much including losing my sister to cancer when she was 6. My mum said if she didn't have me (I was a baby then) she would have killed herself. I just can't imagine putting her through that grief again, my mum has suffered too much, my dad too. But also I just can't do it anymore. I can't do life. I can't live with this pain anymore. I've tried recovery so many times for so long but always end up failing. I wish I could be like some people and not care about what happens after I'm dead but I do. What do I do in this situation? How do I say goodbye?

That is alot to go through.
But I definitely see your side as well.
I don't have any other family except my mom.
A few friends that I havnt talked to in a long time.
I've also had my ups and downs with recovery mentally / soberity. And the success / failure of both.
Some people say don't say anything at all.
I eventually got to the point were I told my mom I'm done and to be prepared. It hurt me that it hurt her.
So for now when we randomly text I just say o yah everything's good.
I know it will hurt her and a few others when I'm gone.
And I've tried to prepare that by isolating my self and not talking to anyone , so it's like I'm already gone.
Hopefully this will lesson the blow when I go through with my choice. I know it will be painful. But as you said,
I can't do life anymore.
Good luck.