Discussion Late night thoughts, how many of you have periods of being actively and passively suicidal?

[issyishere]

I was thinking right now on how even my best days, I still want to die in the back of my mind I just won't seek it out. On days worse than others, I want to die, and I begin making preparations. Anyone else relate?

 

[Weakling666]

100%

Persistent suicidal thoughts (from my experience) never truly go away. Heres something I pulled from the the web:

Whether suicide ideation is active or passive, the goal is the same—terminating one's life. Suicidal ideation, such as the wish to die during sleep, to be killed in an accident, or to develop terminal cancer, may seem relatively innocuous, but it can be just as ominous as thoughts of hanging oneself. Although passive suicidal ideation may allow time for interventions, passive ideation can suddenly turn active.

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[PDAnnie2610]

Persistent.. and was told a decade ago that I might never be free of the grip of wanting to kill myself.

 

[Malletboy]

it's all I've been able to think about. On my best days I'm happy with the small thought in the back of my mind that I'm simply buying time until I can fully give into my suicidal ideations. On my worst days, I also act out preparations to ctb (writing notes, making final lists, etc).

Today I experienced both alternating back and forth for hours.

 

[Fragile]

yes, suicidal thoughts have been a very big part of my life since childhood, even in the best periods in my life they've always been there, this has never been about whether i want to die or not, i'ts always been about how much i want to be dead and when.

some years ago i was was passively suicidal in many ways, i drank a lot of alcohol while taking took other drugs and overdosed many times because i didn't care anymore, hoping that i had a good time before i ceased to breathe, i was in denial about my situation but was also hoping to end it because how much i hated my life.

now i simply wait and try to endure the pain, awaiting my death and carefully planning my exit, i know that this is inevitable for me, and not an hour goes without me thinking about suicide. i no longer use drugs in terribly high doses because i know that they wont kill me that easily and i can get a better method to die. everything makes sense now that i've accepted it.

 

[mediocre]

I'd say I've been suicidal in the back of my mind for about 15 years. I've had some happy moments since then and was mostly ok day-to-day but the past year or so has brought my suicidal ideation back to the forefront. Now every day I am in complete despair. Wanting to cbt doesn't come and go like it used too now it's all I think about. I spend all my time on here or reading about death and suicide. It's become my obsession.

 

[NeCkDeEp]

I've been struggling on and off with suicidal thoughts and attempts for years, everything always turned out to be better after a while and my thoughts dissapeared for a few months.
Anyway I'm already stuck like this since July and it has only gotten even more worse since the past few weeks, it feels like that it is my destiny to ctb as these thoughts keep coming back.
Ctb is on my mind when I wake up until I go to sleep.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I'm mostly passively suicidal. I can be actively suicidal if it's on an impulse or once I make the decision on when to end my life.

 

[NitriteAnatomy]

Mostly passive thoughts, especially now that I have my method safely tucked away, but some days do tend to be worse than others. Especially this time of year, at least for myself.

 

[Jean4]

24/7 there is a voice in my head saying I want to die. I wouldn't know what it would be like for it not to be there. Some days it is stronger than others.

 

[BlueWidow]

Yes, definitely. I've always had the idea in the back of my mind, and throughout my life I've been actively or passively suicidal depending on what was going on. For most of the time that I was with my husband, I was passively suicidal. For pretty much the rest of my life, I've been actively suicidal.

 

[MeltingHeart]

Think about constantly for a year & have made many attempts throughout too.

 

[TowerUpright]

Yes. It was strong especially a few months ago. Very active. My doctor took me off a med and now I'm more passively suicidal. But if I actually could get to a place where I know I wouldn't be found for a few hours, I'd become active real fast.

 

[BPDbitch]

I've been passively suicidal for most of my life. I can't actually remember when it started or the first time it became more active, but it's been relatively passive for a few years... until October this year when it returned with a vengeance. It's exhausting living with the thought constantly lurking in the back of your mind, and I can't wait for it to finally stop.

 

[waterbottleman]

I was thinking right now on how even my best days, I still want to die in the back of my mind I just won't seek it out. On days worse than others, I want to die, and I begin making preparations. Anyone else relate?

You described how I've been feeling for the past 6 months.

My days are either comfortable But meaningless or super depressing and dark.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

Passive and, to a lesser degree active, since 1972. I just can't soldier on much longer.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

At 12-14 I didn't even realize I was depressed/suicidal because I thought it's going to end when I begin high school.
However, high school was a fucking nightmare and I've been actively suicidal except in 2016-2017 which was the only good year.

 

[Moonicide]

I've been suicidal passively since I was 14. But when I finally knew something was terribly wrong and I actively wanted to die was when I turned 18. My 18th birthday arrived and all I could do was lay in bed and cry... The older I got the more severe my suicidal ideation became. I must say that this year has been the worst one of them all. I turned 29 a few months ago. This is the first year where I've actively bought materials to ctb. I've never gone this far before, but having a way out has brought me comfort.

 

[JustVisiting]

Suic

100%

Persistent suicidal thoughts (from my experience) never truly go away. Heres something I pulled from the the web:



Read further

Suicidal Ideation my entire life; even though I did not understand that term when I was a child. I've ALWAYS felt though that it's an option. And I take comfort in that.

 

[Squiddy]

I'm mostly passively suicidal, but occasionally will get actively

 

[LMLN]

I have been mostly actively with just shirt periods of passively.