Story Last week...in my life.

[Deathwish777]

English is not my first language so please bear with me if my english is not good.
I've been depressed for 6 years. I tried so hard to get back to who I was before. I used to be fun and energetic person. That's how I remember myself. But i don't even know what kind of person i am right now... i dont smile. I rarely eat. I dont talk. I don't even hang out with my friends anymore because I don't want anyone to know that I am going through this horrible time. Just stay home and drink alcohol most of time. I never liked alcohol before.. but now without alcohol.. I can't even fall asleep..
Last night I was so drunk but even when I was so drunk, I couldn't even fall asleep.. stayed awake all night.. crying like a kid. I Feel like dying now. Hangover maybe?
I am exhausted. I guess my time has come.
I am giving myself one more week... need time to pack my stuff and clean my room... and meet up with my friends and family one last time.. And I will slowly go through this again... and ask myself one last time if this is really what I want and if I am ready to do this... if I decide to do this, I will start taking antiemetic from Saturday following stan's guide. I hope I will have courage to drink SN without hesitation. I am already scared and my heart is beating so fast. Hopefully I can get rid of this coward feeling within a week.. and go through this smoothly.
Thank you all for reading my ridiculous post.

 

[Myforevercharlie]

It's not ridiculous... If you need ears to talk to or whatever, im here

 

[TeenIdle]

Have you tried medical help? maybe it works for you and feel better again like you usted to. Anyway if you have already thought ctb through, good luck whatever you decide and I hope you find joy and happiness again

 

[Deathwish777]

It's not ridiculous... If you need ears to talk to or whatever, im here

Thank you very much for your kind words :)

Have you tried medical help? maybe it works for you and feel better again like you usted to. Anyway if you have already thought ctb through, good luck whatever you decide and I hope you find joy and happiness again

Yes. I did. I took several anti depressant medication for 1 year. I personally didn't feel anything different. I started losing my hairs cuz of medication side effect. Funny but It made me feel more depressed by losing hair so i had to stop taking medication. Haha. Thank you for ur kindness. :)

 

[Kumachan]

Hairloss on top of all that... That sucks... I wonder if counselling/medication work in case of a reactive depression(when life situation's bad). My sister who is bipolar tends to think so... But im dubious, i just feel depressed cos of my bad decisions in the past and other life circumstances. How can a psychiatriast or a pill help me here? Somehow explain it away? Sedate me to the point when i simply dont care whats going on around me? Have anyone used "professional help" for reactive depression?

 

[lanitoasmr]

It is not ridiculous. I feel so identified with your post. Good luck and best wishes!

 

[TeenIdle]

Thank you very much for your kind words :)

Yes. I did. I took several anti depressant medication for 1 year. I personally didn't feel anything different. I started losing my hairs cuz of medication side effect. Funny but It made me feel more depressed by losing hair so i had to stop taking medication. Haha. Thank you for ur kindness. :)

I'm sorry to hear that :( If you want to talk feel free to pm me

 

[Deathwish777]

Hairloss on top of all that... That sucks... I wonder if counselling/medication work in case of a reactive depression(when life situation's bad). My sister who is bipolar tends to think so... But im dubious, i just feel depressed cos of my bad decisions in the past and other life circumstances. How can a psychiatriast or a pill help me here? Somehow explain it away? Sedate me to the point when i simply dont care whats going on around me? Have anyone used "professional help" for reactive depression?

My hairs are fine now haha :) and yes... We are all in different situations and have different reasons. Medication and psychiatrist could help some people to feel better.. but not everybody..