Last time you felt peace?

[bigj75]

When was the last time you weren't thinking about ctb, completely engaged in life, etc?

For me if was about 8 years ago. I had the will to live and enjoyed the good things in life. I miss it so much. The will to live is such a beautiful thing to have.

 

[Amira]

2 years ago I felt at peace and hopeful of my future and of life.

 

[creationisdeath]

A brief moment with my first girlfriend who I thought I would die with naturally. For one moment I was alive. Nothing has ever been the same. This was about a decade ago.

I'd wish for someone real,100%,unconditional and absolute so much.

 

[worldexploder]

Probably for the first 2 months of my marriage in 2011. I felt like I was getting a fresh start. Then before I knew it I was back to being my miserable neurotic self. Before that, about 3 months in 2006. Before that, about the same period of time in 2002. Everything in between was pure misery. Even when I was at "peace" I always felt troubled in some way shape or form. Maybe I don't know what real peace is. Maybe I'm confusing peace with times where I felt motivated and hopeful that I was going somewhere in life.

No matter how hard you try and shake that snow globe, those little crystals will fall to the bottom eventually.

 

[BurningLights]

I remember soon after my daughter was born, I had the mother in one arm and baby in the other, both asleep, at that time everything in the world was just, perfect.

 

[Jiva]

I don't know. It is a long time.

 

[Midnight]

Can't remember...i've always had thoughts in the back of my head even at the most blissfull times. Always a worry,aftertought,anxiety,pondering you name it. This gray lump in my skull is never 100% at ease. I will hopefully put it to rest before 2020. It's been doing overtime and it needs some rest...

 

[skitliv]

Can't recall honestly

 

[Sinbad]

After hours feeling and experiencing the dark spiral of severe depression. Suddenly, I find myself at peace.. I feel nothing.. like being normal.
I have that usually once a day. I now know its due to exhaustion. That state only lasts for about 15 to 20 minute.

 

[Xerxes]

I wish I can say that I have, but it turns out to be a lie in the end. A fantasy of something I always wanted, but it fell apart. I don't know if I want to go back to that time again or have the will to live again.

 

[Lifeisatrap]

The two times I fell unconscious, not even joking. I'm always anxious, can't even get peace in my sleep as it seaps through my dreams.

 

[IfHeDiesHeDies]

When I got my N several months ago, I felt I so much peace as I felt I have regained control over my life ( or more precisely my death). Now I have sat on it for too long and am too scared to take it alone. I tried to look for a suicide partner but realized that the risks far outweigh the benefits. I am now awaiting Dignitas' response to my application.

 

[Empty Smile]

That's my problem. There's never a time I'm not thinking of ctb.

 

[Goldie]

Not that long ago compared to others in this thread - I was happy about 8 months ago. Although in someways I have been unhappy since 2011.

 

[Bex83]

Never known what happiness is, the feeling if I ever do could be just like taking drugs for the first time. Not sure if I want to wait for it too happen. Probably because it won't.

 

[funnyvalentine]

About nine years ago. Then it gradually got worse and worse, now I am at rock bottom.