Last 2 years

[Roberto]

I've been quite off the last months.
I've been studying (I have 45 years old) a official professional degree. I didn't expect to find a job, but I tried to give my best to the social assistant.
I've been some years finding a 33% of disability, to easy the job finding for me. I was talking to my psychologist & social assistants to do it.
Recently the social assistant asked me if I found i could work. And if it were better a total disability. I found it correct. I feel I can't make any job.
I feel bad. It's better to be working. I've been working 17 years. But the last 5 ... it's been all problems.
Also I've been drinking much the last 2 years. Almost everyday.
The last 2 years I haven't been thinking about ctb. But I think a lot in death. And I still wish something to happen to me and die.
The male cat have been ill the last 3 months. But now it's better. It's gaining weight. I was very worried for him. He had something with his stomach.
Lots of love to everyone and a big hug

 

[timf]

It sounds like you have accomplished much over the years and have been an encouragement to others.

Christians are advised in the bible to "take every thought captive to Christ". This idea of "thought control" may have application for those who find that their thoughts tend in directions that are unproductive.

Many movies on the subject of science fiction and telepathy find that people with new mental super powers are exhorted to "focus". This may also capture the idea taking control of one's thoughts as opposed to letting them take you in directions that are not productive.

You may want to keep an eye on the level of alcohol use. It sounds like you may be begining to see it as a potential problem. It is sneaky because it can seem to offer short term benefit, however, the long term price can be quite painful.