Help Large person in an ever-shrinking world.

[ElectroshockBlues]

Hey everyone I am new here and was mulling over what I wanted my first post to be about. I've decided to just let it all out. I am numb. I haven't wanted to be alive since I was like 10 and here I am at 25 still here and still numb. They locked me away in a treatment facility at the age of 12 and I have been in and out of psych wards since. At 18 I was almost successful in an attempt while I was homeless and I still remember the anger I felt waking up in the hospital. Since then the attempts have slowed down but the urge has only increased. Since quarantine, my eating disorder has gotten worse and the slow gain of weight over the years is shrinking the world around me, limiting what I can and can't do, and isolating me from others even more than the pandemic has. I'm miserable in my body and can't seem to stop the cycle. I just want to be done. Done fighting, done hating myself, done being here. And no I'm not asking for weight loss advice because it's something I've heard since I was in 4th grade. I want to end it but don't know how I've attempted over 10 times in my life with only one being close to successful. I heard about SN and wanted advice possibly. Being a bigger person I need to know if the 25mg would be enough or what I should do. As much as it sucks to talk about when I say bigger I'm talking like pushing 500 pounds bigger. I just need the pain to stop.

 

[rationaltake]

Hey. I understand your position. I have had binge eating disorder. And also anorexia at times. Advice on losing or gaining weight is about as useful as a chocolate teapot in these circumstances. I will never be able to shop and eat coherently again. Given up. I think all eating disorders entail pain. Agony. Despair.

 

[ElectroshockBlues]

Hey. I understand your position. I have had binge eating disorder. And also anorexia at times. Advice on losing or gaining weight is about as useful as a chocolate teapot in these circumstances. I will never be able to shop and eat coherently again. Given up. I think all eating disorders entail pain. Agony. Despair.

it's insane to be addicted to something you need to survive. I used to have dreams and potential, now I'm just a useless sack of fat. I appreciate your response. At first, I really didn't think anyone would respond at all

 

[rationaltake]

it's insane to be addicted to something you need to survive.

You put it in a nutshell. My eating is chaotic.

I used to have dreams and potential, now I'm just a useless sack of fat. I appreciate your response. At first, I really didn't think anyone would respond at all

Same here. My body is rubbish from years of gaining and losing weight. Hate this body now. I appreciate your post.