knife in my hand right now

[pris]

i want to fall on it right now im shaking i have bpd my partner has bpd she has completely split on me she's all i have she said horrible things i cant do another second of this life will it work??
im crying i dont know what to do my whole life was depending on her she's all i had left there was nobody like her

 

[fedupwithlife]

Wanna talk?

 

[pris]

Wanna talk?

ok

 

[fedupwithlife]

What happened? Did she leave? If so, why

 

[pris]

What happened? Did she leave? If so, why

anythijng bad ive done

What happened? Did she leave? If so, why

she became a different person and now im evil i hav e no chance in hell she was it all i had

 

[fedupwithlife]

anythijng bad ive done

She left because you did something bad? Do you think you deserved it?

 

[pris]

What happened? Did she leave? If so, why

whta do i do how do i get her back if i cant then i need to die asap

She left because you did something bad? Do you think you deserved it?

i dont deserve ive worked so hard to make her happy to take care of her but im flawed person she SPLIT ON ME SHE HAD BPD SHE FUCKING SPLIT IT ON ME IT DOESNT MATTER WAHT THE FUCK I DID I DIDNT DO SHTI EXCEPT TAKE CARE OF HER AND NOW SHE HATES BECAUSE IM MENTALLY ILL AND TRAUMATIZED TOO AND IMPERFECT I CANT BE PERFECT

She left because you did something bad? Do you think you deserved it?

IM GONNA SHOVE THIS KNIFE IN MY FUCKING THROAT ASAP I STG

 

[fedupwithlife]

im sorry that happened to u man. Perhaps you deserve a better person

 

[pris]

im sorry that happened to u man. Perhaps you deserve a better person

NOBODY IS BET TER

 

[fedupwithlife]

NOBODY IS BET TER

Really? What makes you say that

 

[pris]

im gonna do drugs the next few weeks then SN i need to find antiemetics somehow if anyone knows how please pm me

 

[venin]

i want to fall on it right now im shaking i have bpd my partner has bpd she has completely split on me she's all i have she said horrible things i cant do another second of this life will it work??
im crying i dont know what to do my whole life was depending on her she's all i had left there was nobody like her

Sorry that happened to you

 

[pris]

Sorry that happened to you

there's so much context needed, i couldve been a famous artist but instead im another statistic

 

[venin]

there's so much context needed, i couldve been a famous artist but instead im another statistic

If it helps, when I feel really really bad I go for a walk wherever and I don't stop until I feel better. It helps me a lot

 

[pris]

If it helps, when I feel really really bad I go for a walk wherever and I don't stop until I feel better. It helps a lot

no it doesnt help. nbody knows how bad things can get

 

[Dmoore3232]

whta do i do how do i get her back if i cant then i need to die asap

i dont deserve ive worked so hard to make her happy to take care of her but im flawed person she SPLIT ON ME SHE HAD BPD SHE FUCKING SPLIT IT ON ME IT DOESNT MATTER WAHT THE FUCK I DID I DIDNT DO SHTI EXCEPT TAKE CARE OF HER AND NOW SHE HATES BECAUSE IM MENTALLY ILL AND TRAUMATIZED TOO AND IMPERFECT I CANT BE PERFECT

IM GONNA SHOVE THIS KNIFE IN MY FUCKING THROAT ASAP I STG

You were fine before her right? You can be fine after her.

 

[venin]

no it doesnt help. nbody knows how bad things can get

Sorry I couldn't help…

 

[pris]

im so fucking done none of you know what hell is like to have your life ruined over and over and every opportunitysqaushed to be threatened to be killd every week for years growuing up to be sexually assualted by your own father for the only people raound you who care and could undestand dead to be homeless to be systematically abused to live in the wrong body to experience extreme negative emotions for years at a time to have no support for most of your life to be self-aware enough to see how fukced you are
to be targeted by the gov to have old men look at your penis at age 14 for a year because they think youre a criminal because youre mentally ill to be targeted by everyone to be gaslit into unreality over your whole life to be COMPLETELY ALONE AND THEN THE 1 PERSON WHO COULD EVER UNDERSTAND YOU SPLITS ON YOU AND LEAVES YOU DIE AND SAYING THE MOST HORRIBLE THINGS TO YOU WHEN YOU HAVE NO IDENTITY EXCEPT THEM
have you ever screamed for hours. hours. my voice is permanently damaged. just from screaming. for hours.
"mental health professionals" aka cops who want you to fall in line and if you cant then "i guess youll just have to live with it" TO TRY EVERY SUPPOSED 'TREATMENT' AND FOR NONE OF IT TO WORK SINCE AGE 8 TO WAKE UP NEXT TO YOUR SISTER'S CORPSE BECAUSE SHE DIED OF A HEROIN OVERDOSE BECAUSE OUR FATHER WAS ABUSIVE
to have the one person who ever could care about you hate you and call you evil and say that youre privleged just as her abused called her when she was being sex trafficked. just endless samsara cycles of violence unending there IS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD FOR ME BUT LOVE AND LOVE IS EVERYTHING I AM DENIED
to be called privleged, because im so mentally ill and i was homeless that the gov actually gave me money. she tells me i can do anything with my disaiblity moeny. WHAT THE FUCK IS 12K A YEAR GONNA DO FOR ME ? HOW AM I PRIVLEDGED. I TOLD HER ABOUT MY SAVINGS BECAUSE I WANTED TO HELP HER SHE DOESNT EVEN WANT MY MOENY I TOLD HER ID GIVE HER ALL OF MY MONEY AND SHE DOESNT EVEN WANT IT SHE SAYS IM WEAK AND A COWARD
PEOPLE CRY WHEN I TELL THEM MY LIFE STORY, THEY TELL ME IT MAKES SENSE THAT I WANT TO DIE. NORMIES DONT SAY "IT GETS BETTER" TO ME ANYMORE THEY SAY "I WISH YOU PEACE IN YOUR NEXT LIFE" THEY ALL KNOW IM DONE FOR
WHAT DOES IT TAKE FOR NORMIES TO SAY SOEMTHING LIEKE THAT FOR EVERY DOCTOR TO TELL ME "you just have to live with i guess :)"
i was alone LONG, LONG BEFORE COVID EVER HAPPENED
IM STUCK IN OLD WHITE SUBURBIA AS A TRANS WOMAN IN RURAL USA EAST COAST THERE IS NOBODY LIKE ME AROUND ANYONE I MEET ONLINE IS TOO FUCKED TO MAEK AR EAL PLAN SHE WAS MY ONLY CHANCE DONT YOU UNDERSTAND MY ONLY WAY OUT TO MAKE A LIFE AND HELL AND SHE SQUASHED IT IN 1 DAY
im an amazing fucking music artist too. i ahve so much talent and that's the truth of it. the music i make is not the kind people want but waht i do is amazing for how long ive been doing. im fucking hot, i pass as cis and im fucking hot . and it odesnt matter nothing i do changes my situation. yeah im real fuckin privleged
who wants to go on a vacation with me ? only pm if your life is jsut as bad or worse, if youre trans too, if youve exhausted all of your chances too. ill take us on a vacation to europe, live in luxury for a little while

 

[painful existence]

Unfortunately life is evil.Many people here would have gone through similar life experiences.I myself grew up in abject poverty in a third world country.I was also bullied a lot in childhood and that left a permanent effect on my mental health.I however was academically good and I found my comfort in it.However at the most important point in my career I got struck by Major depressive disorder.Ever since then I am miserable.I have seen time periods which made me believe that if there is hell then it cannot be worse than this life.
I am 30 and unemployed and there is no help from government here.As a matter of fact I am almost to the point where starvation might be a problem.My life hasn't been fair but there is nothing I can do . Complaining only increases the misery.The only solace I have is that all this would end and I would be dead one day.So we all are suffering .You aren't alone.

 

[pris]

Unfortunately life is evil.Many people here would have gone through similar life experiences.I myself grew up in abject poverty in a third world country.I was also bullied a lot in childhood and that left a permanent effect on my mental health.I however was academically good and I found my comfort in it.However at the most important point in my career I got struck by Major depressive disorder.Ever since then I am miserable.I have seen time periods which made me believe that if there is hell then it cannot be worse than this life.
I am 30 and unemployed and there is no help from government here.As a matter of fact I am almost to the point where starvation might be a problem.My life hasn't been fair but there is nothing I can do . Complaining only increases the misery.The only solace I have is that all this would end and I would be dead one day.So we all are suffering .You aren't alone.

i know im not truly alone, the issue is that nobody around me truly understands me and i really mean that not just in an edgy teen way

 

[aed.vita.aeterna]

got a sounf

im so fucking done none of you know what hell is like to have your life ruined over and over and every opportunitysqaushed to be threatened to be killd every week for years growuing up to be sexually assualted by your own father for the only people raound you who care and could undestand dead to be homeless to be systematically abused to live in the wrong body to experience extreme negative emotions for years at a time to have no support for most of your life to be self-aware enough to see how fukced you are
to be targeted by the gov to have old men look at your penis at age 14 for a year because they think youre a criminal because youre mentally ill to be targeted by everyone to be gaslit into unreality over your whole life to be COMPLETELY ALONE AND THEN THE 1 PERSON WHO COULD EVER UNDERSTAND YOU SPLITS ON YOU AND LEAVES YOU DIE AND SAYING THE MOST HORRIBLE THINGS TO YOU WHEN YOU HAVE NO IDENTITY EXCEPT THEM
have you ever screamed for hours. hours. my voice is permanently damaged. just from screaming. for hours.
"mental health professionals" aka cops who want you to fall in line and if you cant then "i guess youll just have to live with it" TO TRY EVERY SUPPOSED 'TREATMENT' AND FOR NONE OF IT TO WORK SINCE AGE 8 TO WAKE UP NEXT TO YOUR SISTER'S CORPSE BECAUSE SHE DIED OF A HEROIN OVERDOSE BECAUSE OUR FATHER WAS ABUSIVE
to have the one person who ever could care about you hate you and call you evil and say that youre privleged just as her abused called her when she was being sex trafficked. just endless samsara cycles of violence unending there IS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD FOR ME BUT LOVE AND LOVE IS EVERYTHING I AM DENIED
to be called privleged, because im so mentally ill and i was homeless that the gov actually gave me money. she tells me i can do anything with my disaiblity moeny. WHAT THE FUCK IS 12K A YEAR GONNA DO FOR ME ? HOW AM I PRIVLEDGED. I TOLD HER ABOUT MY SAVINGS BECAUSE I WANTED TO HELP HER SHE DOESNT EVEN WANT MY MOENY I TOLD HER ID GIVE HER ALL OF MY MONEY AND SHE DOESNT EVEN WANT IT SHE SAYS IM WEAK AND A COWARD
PEOPLE CRY WHEN I TELL THEM MY LIFE STORY, THEY TELL ME IT MAKES SENSE THAT I WANT TO DIE. NORMIES DONT SAY "IT GETS BETTER" TO ME ANYMORE THEY SAY "I WISH YOU PEACE IN YOUR NEXT LIFE" THEY ALL KNOW IM DONE FOR
WHAT DOES IT TAKE FOR NORMIES TO SAY SOEMTHING LIEKE THAT FOR EVERY DOCTOR TO TELL ME "you just have to live with i guess :)"
i was alone LONG, LONG BEFORE COVID EVER HAPPENED
IM STUCK IN OLD WHITE SUBURBIA AS A TRANS WOMAN IN RURAL USA EAST COAST THERE IS NOBODY LIKE ME AROUND ANYONE I MEET ONLINE IS TOO FUCKED TO MAEK AR EAL PLAN SHE WAS MY ONLY CHANCE DONT YOU UNDERSTAND MY ONLY WAY OUT TO MAKE A LIFE AND HELL AND SHE SQUASHED IT IN 1 DAY
im an amazing fucking music artist too. i ahve so much talent and that's the truth of it. the music i make is not the kind people want but waht i do is amazing for how long ive been doing. im fucking hot, i pass as cis and im fucking hot . and it odesnt matter nothing i do changes my situation. yeah im real fuckin privleged
who wants to go on a vacation with me ? only pm if your life is jsut as bad or worse, if youre trans too, if youve exhausted all of your chances too. ill take us on a vacation to europe, live in luxury for a little while

got a soundcloud?