Once I accepted that I would ctb within a month, I started doing all the things I had always wanted to do, and it almost seemed like a life worth the living. And then I was like oh hey, maybe I shouldn't kill myself, but as soon as I realized I would have to stay alive and be stuck in my situation, it all fell apart and I fell even farther into darkness. It's a nice little twisted paradox; I can either be happy and about to die or painfully alive. I feel bad that I was never able to recover but I have tried so hard
VIBRITANNIA
lelouch. any pronouns. pfp is by pixiv id 3217872.
- Aug 10, 2020
- 1,156
i thought i was the only one who felt this way. i guess knowing my death is near gives me the motivation to do all the things i hadn't gotten around to doing.
Stick
Experienced
- Aug 31, 2020
- 269
I've gone through the same paradox, I'm really trying to force myself out of that limbo and I hope to die at my ctb date, but, who knows. Maybe my emotions will suddenly change again.
