Discussion killing myself seems to be the logical thing to do- thoughts?

[failedatdying]

im an ftm transsexual and I think that committing suicide is the logical thing to do- if we euthanize pets, then why not humans? especially when they feel as if the point their suffering is too great has already come? im dysphoric and sick of having to live in this body. im 5'5, 190 pounds and I have massive hips and an incredibly feminine body shape. I've been on testosterone for 11 months and I feel like it's only made me look like a woman with a hormonal condition, because that's pretty much just what I am. no amount of surgery is going to change that, and the current surgeries suck. im unattractive to most people, and I'm not even sure why my girlfriend likes me, and I think she would prefer to be with a cis man. i have borderline personality disorder and a terrible relationship with my parents. I've self harmed for years and had 3 suicide attempts already, hospitalized for one. never told anyone about the others, I just unfortunately woke back up in the morning beside a puddle of puke. finally, I've recently been diagnosed with Interstitial Cystitis, aka bladder pain disorder. my bladder and urethra hurt every day. i barely have sex anymore and when I go it's extremely painful. the only thing I can really use to help the pain is weed, so I'm high pretty much every night. i can barely sleep about half the time because of the pain and urgency. doctors have been completely unhelpful. i am in physical and mental pain every day. an animal would be euthanized in this scenario, but I am not allowed to be, therefore I must end my own pain and take control of the things I can't control. i can't control my own life but I can control leaving it. my main hang-up is that my girlfriend would likely be the first one to find my body, and I really don't want her to have to deal with that. i know that she likely would never get over it if I died, which is why im planning to at least drive away as far as possible in a very remote location to finish the deed. i would not bring ID and I would somewhat alter my appearance to prolong identification efforts. this would give my family and girlfriend time to adjust to me being gone. does this seem like a logical and big enough reason to commit suicide, or should I meditate on my motivations more before going through with it? i want to make the most informed decision possible before I decide to go through with it.

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

Hey, I can agree that CTB should be a choice we all have access to, just like euthanasia.
It's difficult to comment on how you feel since I'm not in your specific circumstances. Maybe first you might need to look at what you have that is stable in your life, eg: if you have stable housing (the most important in my opinion). If you do, then perhaps you can reconsider CTB and problems like your parents.
As for doing it somewhere secluded, I'm not sure if that'll do anything else except create worry and not have closure, added to their grief.
I wish you the best in whatever you decide.

 

[cakedog]

Dealing with unbearable physical pain as well as identity issues specially in the way you described it sounds tough
can't really comment on if it's the most logical thing to do i think you should go with what you consider is the best after having thought about all the possible solutions (if there are any) to fix or at least improve your current situation to a more tolerable one
i hope things improve for you whatever you decide