Venting keep going over my method in my head

[willitpass]

i don't have a date yet and i very much want to hold out to the holidays. also i still have too much SI and emotional attachment so i know it isn't my time. but i still keep going over my method in my head trying to perfect it.
-say that i'm going to work when i don't actually have it (i don't live alone and my dad is very suspicious of me relapsing)
-leave my phone somewhere, probably at home, so it can't be tracked when they realize i'm missing
-go to the woods and hike out to a tree deep where no one will see me. i need to find a time to go preview the woods i'm planning on to find the perfect spot
-tie noose, climb tree, attach to a good branch, let myself drop

 

[FuneralCry]

Wanting to perfect the method is understandable as methods need knowledge and planning to succeed. I wish you the best with your plans, when the time comes to leave, I hope you find the peace you are looking for.