K. Bye.

[mrpeter]

I have. Mostly. I gave up.

The worst things someone has said to me on here:

"I'm not going to fight you. I'm going to **** you."

"Your p***y is so pretty. You shouldn't CTB, that would be a waste."

do the mods on this site not pay attention? Do they do anything about it?
aren't those very inappropriate things to say to a sa victim?

 

[Panta Rhei]

What a horrible life. Does she live in Afghanistan?

 

[maniac116]

I have. Mostly. I gave up.

The worst things someone has said to me on here:

"I'm not going to fight you. I'm going to **** you."

"Your p***y is so pretty. You shouldn't CTB, that would be a waste."

Wow, sooooo wrong! WTF

 

[nattanatta]

I hope you found peace.

 

[bluedream]

God. I wish i'd been online to say goodbye. I hope you're at peace. I'll miss you. I had such an awesome time talking to you since our little group kinda took over NSFW. It's fucking unfair that the coolest people get the worst treatment, and you were the coolest.

Thank you for making this place better, I miss you.

 

[maniac116]

do the mods on this site not pay attention? Do they do anything about it?
aren't those very inappropriate things to say to a sa victim?

That's just inappropriate...PERIOD!!
Makes me ashamed to be a guy!
What a fuckhead!!

 

[pumpkins334234]

i hope it is as painless as possible for you, i know your cat will be so loved by whoever you've trusted their care to

 

[CantDoIt]

What the heck, I am so sorry that happened to you. I wish you only peace and serenity.

 

[feelinggloomy]

Peace

 

[rozeske]

do the mods on this site not pay attention? Do they do anything about it?
aren't those very inappropriate things to say to a sa victim?

I believe you were there when the issue was raised and explained.

 

[mrpeter]

I believe you were there when the issue was raised and explained.

oh yeah

 

[Anon7b8]

Safe travels stranger. May you find the oeace you were seeking.

 

[Hotsackage]

I hope you're OK, in whatever happened

 

[damienlerone03]

Goodbye Mary. You were an amazing person to talk to in NSFW chat, we loved your presence and i'm tearing up seeing this. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you in your last moments. I wish you peace and happiness, whether you crossed the rainbow bridge yet or not.

I will TRULY miss you.

 

[maniac116]

do the mods on this site not pay attention? Do they do anything about it?
aren't those very inappropriate things to say to a sa victim?

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I hope you have found peace.

 

[maniac116]

Time for the Zesty Salts.

Thank you all for the time that I have spent on SaSu. While this community has, at time, been so so so toxic and made me mental health a lot worse, it has also been a great way to help cope, meet people in similar mindsets, and a community for me since April.

Spoiler: What SaSu taught me

not to be impulsive.

*think about how your actions will affect others- do not traumatize random bystandards.

*people suck, everywhere.

Spoiler: CTB journey

When I joined SaSu, my
Plan was to rent a hotel room that weekend. I checked into it. I was going to cycle through methods until I was gone. Partial and full suspensions, SWB, night night, and jumping with drunk af. Then I took a breath, and got into the community.

I then decided to take a breather. I spent a while learning everything I could about CO and SN. I spent about 3000$ on these methods. My plan was to do a 48 hour regiment, drink SN, and walk into a tent of at least 10kppm. I have done 2 successful trial runs of getting the tent ppm that high. The goal of this is to CTB via CO and the SN act more as a fail safe. I drove hours away one day, set everything up, did most of a 48 hour regiment, and packed everything up and went home before stepping into the tent.

However, I'm tired. CO takes so much time and work to set up.

So I decided just SN. I will go back to CO if my SN attempt fails for whatever reason.

I attempted a month ago. I got a room, set up a romantic bath and did everything but SN in my regiment. I couldn't stop thinking of my cat. I drove home benzod out, got pizza, and held her for 12 hours straight.

Spoiler: My plan

I have switched between wanting something peaceful& romantic and something revengeful. I thought for the most part, I would go with peace. Rose petals, a long beautiful dress, full hair and makeup, a beautiful flower crown. Then I decided on revenge. Airing out those who have hurt me with as much proof as possible. Airing out this horrible company.

But in the end, I am going neither route. I am too tired to care anymore. I am not even leaving letter beyond this post & care instructions for my cat.

Spoiler: SN regiment

48 hour regiment:
Day 1:
8hrs: 10mg meto
16hrs: 10mg meto
24hrs: 10mg meto & start fasting

Day 2:
8hrs: 10mg meto
16hrs: 10mg meto
23hrs: 1000mg paracetamol + 3mg of pyrazolam
23:15hrs: 30mg meto + 8mg zofran + 400mg propanol
23:30: 800mg Tagamet
24: cheers bitchhh. 35g of SN dissolved in water & 2mg of Flubrotizolam

2 glasses on standby of SN.
24 ish hour fast

Spoiler: Possible faults of SN

untested SN from SD. The cheapest one.

-hitting my weed cart. I've heard controversy abt this.

-sipping on water and sugar free kool aid with regiment and thirst

Spoiler: Sexual assault

I've talked about this several times on SaSu. Nobody in my life has a full picture. People know bits and details. Nobody knows it all.

My number is 6. From the age of 15-26, 6 men have raped me. Several with weapons. My life has been threatened several times just so a man can get off.

I am stronger. My brain is fully developed. I promise you, if a man ever holds a gun to my head again, telling me "you scream, I shoot," I will not be the one afraid. However, I'd rather leave before that can ever happen again.

When I was 15, a manager of a block buster we use to go to all of the time shoved his fingers inside of me with my mom a few isles over. He groomed me online for a year after.

When I was 18, I joined a sorority. Got drunk for the first time, or had my drink spiked, unsure. I was unconscious. I woke up covered in my own blood & my insides in so much pain. I was a lesbian. My girlfriend broke up with me for cheating on her & I was told it was better not to ruin the reputation of Greek life over a mistake someone made. I gave up ever trying again when I heard that.

The worst one was my friends dad. He picked me up one night from a sketchy event. He shoved me in his truck. He held a gun to my head repeating the phrase "you scream, I shoot," for what I watched pass on the clock to be three hours.

Once it was a cop. He was the worst. I can't even talk about that experience.

2 more times.

My appearance has decreased. I cut off all of my hair. I no longer dress up. I have purposefully gained 100lbs. All so a man would never hurt me again. However, successful.

Spoiler: My Job

I have worked with one company for a total of about 8.5 years. I quit after 7.5 years when my boss yelled at me for checking on someone in the hospital.

About a week later, I was hired at another store. I quit very soon after for sexual harassment. This man had been asking to sleep with me for years. Years. He was never my boss. I played into it for financial gain, but I have never touched him. I told him not to be weird as my boss, and he was. I stopped showing up.

This man has made every girl I have ever talked to that has worked for him uncomfortable. Multiple women have gone to HR. Many have quit. I personally know 5 woman who have quit due to sexual harassment from him. None of them work for the company. Guess who does? Him.

Fast forward abt 2 years and I come back. I start at a new store. I quit 3 months later because I have to tell my boss every day not to put his hands on me. Sexual or not, it made me uncomfortable. It shohld have stopped the first time I said don't touch me.

I've been at a new store for a month. My boss is 20. They're just children. I'm done.

Not to mention, one of my former bosses in this company knocked me up. He ghosted me when I told him, blocked me on everything. His baby mama helped me with that situation.

The first man who ever put his hands on me unconsensually in a violent way was also a manger for this company.

I hate it. Fuck em all.

Diagnosis:
BPD
ADD
OCD

anxiety, depression, psychosis


I LOVE YOU NSFW THANK YOU SO MUCH

That's such a tragic story.
Nobody should EVER have to go through that!
It's a lesson in how someone's terrible behavior can fuck up some bodies entire life.
Love & peace to you

 

[Kurai]

hope everything goes as plan for you peace and good luck

 

[yarv]

wish i was there to say goodbye, indefinite told me your message for me, and I lost it. I'm going to try harder to make it out of this mess, ik its what you would want. Love you Mary, thank you for everything, I'll never forget you.

God. I wish i'd been online to say goodbye. I hope you're at peace. I'll miss you. I had such an awesome time talking to you since our little group kinda took over NSFW. It's fucking unfair that the coolest people get the worst treatment, and you were the coolest.

Thank you for making this place better, I miss you.

we really did take over NSFW lol, love you BD, ik i said this alr but please reach out if u need anything. this is tearing me to shreds rn.

 

[Nothing87]

I am very sorry for what happened to you I hope you found peace Mary.

I hope those men who ruined your life and hurted you will get a karma and a horrible agonizing death.

 

[Roadrunner]

I hope your journey to the peace you crave is gentle and peaceful

 

[outrider567]

I assume you are gone, everlasting peace to you

 

[mfjajs]

Wish you peace

 

[I_am_Lo]

I'm sorry i wasnt here to say goodbye, mary, but thank you for saying goodbye, when i logged on today i knew something was strange- your name wasnt there, something i, and many others were used to seeing..
we love you mary, and i hope youre somewhere much more peaceful and happy now
goodbye, mary, if there is an afterlife, may we all thrive within, may you be living the life you deserved and shouldve had, if not, i hope the peace is all your soul wanted

 

[lynnschronicles]

Mary,

You were someone who I never once doubted deserved a better life, happiness and peace. You were very kind, caring, compassionate, empathetic, loving, thoughtful, selfless and all of the other positive words in the dictionary. You were so fun and funny. You gave me hope for this world when I felt hopeless. You made me not feel worthless anymore. You have made me reconsider if I want to live or die. I want to keep your spirit alive in me. I love you so, so, so, so, so, so much.

I hope you are at peace or are recovering and getting the help you deserve. I really wish you could've lived a happier life. I will never forget you or the impact you've had on mine. Even if we never talk again, I would be more than happy to know you have been given another chance. Like I said before to you, I wish I could've taken all of your pain away. Thank you so much for all of the memories and lessons you've taught me that will last for a lifetime. I really miss you.

 

[_Broken_alice]

Sorry to see you go. It was nice talking to you every time we did.
What you endured is not fair at all.
Too bad we never got to meet in person being so close.
The conversations could have been rather interesting.

Farewell.

 

[Spectre]

It was nice talking with you!

 

[lacrimosa]

You were an amazing soul, truly. You will be missed.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I'm sorry for everything you've had to endure. I sincerely hope you find peace and safe travels on your journey

 

[Bear1234]

I hope you got your peace Mary <3 you deserve it.