Just want someone to read my story

[saturn1402]

My suicidal thoughts started after a very bad breakup (fiancé confessed cheating , called off wedding, broke up with me, called the police to kick me out of his flat where we were living - this is just a short sum up of the past year with him).

I had a very traumatic upbringing filled with domestic violence and abuse. Which made me strong and enthusiastic about life cause I left home at 17,got into a prestigious university abroad, got a nice job , made many friends… my life is not bad at all tbh.

But relationships made me realise how unsuitable I am for this world. I am so naive, I am extremely loyal, I believe in love, I believe in only one person for the rest of the life . I can't be attracted or interested in any other way to another human being while I am in a relationship. I get extremely hurt by every small act of disrespect from my partner.

Also I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't party. I don't do hook ups or even random dating. I don't like social media. I hate porn and anything related to selling your body.
I believe life of responsabilities >>>>> fun.

After reading all this you all might think "she might be some ugly antisocial girl", but I am actually very attractive and extroverted. But everyone considers me boring.
I feel so wrong but at the same time I can't force myself to be who I am not. It sucks because I wish I could be like everyone I know but whenever I tried I felt like I was betraying myself.

I don't want to live in this kind of world anymore I'm too tired of feeling wrong

 

[Roseate]

I didn't think you were ugly or antisocial at all. You've got the right idea. That's how life should be but people are too selfish and don't want to try. You're also not boring for being your own person. They're the boring ones. They need these things to have fun, and without them they can't have fun or even enjoy the basic things in life. You don't have to change anything about yourself and the way you decide to live your life. You sound like me when I was younger, before life got too real and my views changed. There are plenty of people like you out there, it's just hard to see beyond the typical assholes.

 

[Mirrory Me]

But relationships made me realise how unsuitable I am for this world. I am so naive, I am extremely loyal, I believe in love, I believe in only one person for the rest of the life . I can't be attracted or interested in any other way to another human being while I am in a relationship. I get extremely hurt by every small act of disrespect from my partner.

Thing is that you can't own people, or people can't own you- if someone shows love towards someone, it doesn't mean they owe it back. They show it if they want to.

 

[Save_Me_Mind]

My suicidal thoughts started after a very bad breakup (fiancé confessed cheating , called off wedding, broke up with me, called the police to kick me out of his flat where we were living - this is just a short sum up of the past year with him).

I had a very traumatic upbringing filled with domestic violence and abuse. Which made me strong and enthusiastic about life cause I left home at 17,got into a prestigious university abroad, got a nice job , made many friends… my life is not bad at all tbh.

But relationships made me realise how unsuitable I am for this world. I am so naive, I am extremely loyal, I believe in love, I believe in only one person for the rest of the life . I can't be attracted or interested in any other way to another human being while I am in a relationship. I get extremely hurt by every small act of disrespect from my partner.

Also I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't party. I don't do hook ups or even random dating. I don't like social media. I hate porn and anything related to selling your body.
I believe life of responsabilities >>>>> fun.

After reading all this you all might think "she might be some ugly antisocial girl", but I am actually very attractive and extroverted. But everyone considers me boring.
I feel so wrong but at the same time I can't force myself to be who I am not. It sucks because I wish I could be like everyone I know but whenever I tried I felt like I was betraying myself.

I don't want to live in this kind of world anymore I'm too tired of feeling wrong

This ^^^
This is exactly me. Sorry I just saw so many similarities.

I have read your story and I deeply feel sorry for you, for I can relate to many and it is truly terrible. It's that "Only one person in the world I can love" kind of mindset that makes people like us different from the rest.

This might sound selfish, but you are the kind of people that I admire, someone whom would be a great friend.

I hope you find your path again. I wish you the best of luck. DM me if you ever want to talk about life

 

[Davey40210]

I'm so sorry to hear that.. I also believe in true love but I have already found it and destroyed my chance.

You have not found that one person yet, but a bad person that treated you horribly. I am convinced you will find the one with the same values as you. And you have the right values.

When you do, hold on to them. Don't do what I did

 

[lotus11]

Hey, I relate to alot of what your saying. Domestic abuse in childhood.Leaving home very young. Living abroad. Travelling. The not enjoying drinking and smoking parking etc (although I did for a stage when I was younger now no.) The hardest of all is wanting to love and be with just one person. Modern society doesnt suport this idea much.I fell in love it lasted about 2 and a half years and he left, mostly cos im too fucked up. Been hooking up with random guys cos society tells you it's the right thing to do but every time all I think about is him.

 

[alienfreak]

I relate to this a lot, thanks for sharing. I also had a bad life and managed to escape it; i moved across the world and stopped talking to my family. The only way i had a period of recovery was that i experienced something romantic for the first time, but now I have slipped back again because my person left me suddenly.

He moved immediately onto someone else. I didnt even know anything was wrong until he suddenly told me there was someone else that he barely knew but had a crush on. It is the culture these days that people seem to find it so easy to just give up on each other and move on to a new person they don't even know yet. People seem to want to have 20 short relationships with different people instead of being dedicated to one person and helping improve each other.

It's even worse for gay people. The culture is incredibly promiscuous and i want nothing to do with it. It makes things essentially impossible