Venting Just vent

[spectraltease]

Long time no see but good time to vent.
How can I start? I thought my life would get better now and it does but it dosent feel good. I fucking hate being me and living this shitty life. I dont feel empty as much as before but still got the big urge to kms.
I hate my parents, because they destroyed my whole life. I fucking hate myself because of them.
I have a lovely girlfriend, a good apartment so far and its summer so my mood is better but still I hate life. I think its better to be dead.
I talked with my gf about it and told her that im suicidal but wouldn't do something without her. She hates life to but I think she still wants to live, whats completely fine for me. I dont want to take her with me, just because im suicidal.
So I cant kms, thats really frustrating.
I actually dont know what to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound like a tiring situation to be trapped in, and I understand that it's awful when one hates existing yet feels stuck here. I really wish that there was the option to completely erase our existences.