I woke up this morning just blah.
Sad to face another day. Mad to face another day.
And what woke me was a disturbing dream of my ex.
I hope he's not planning on reaching out.
The last time I dreamed about him he definitely tried to get back in my good graces but I really am so over him.
I remember during our relationship how horrible I was to him and how aggravating he was to me.
One night was so terrible he choked me till I passed out.
So when I think of him I think how I wished he had killed me that night.
Anyway I took a long hot shower and during I thought God Please help me keep my place.
Am I not worthy of that.
I need to keep my place or at least be able to afford hotels.
I don't wanna move back home.
It's definitely not my home.
I have habits and a lifestyle that I need for me and having that taking away will be another numb crushing even I would have to cope with.
I'm waiting to hear back from a job that I somewhat interviewed for.
I say somewhat because she didn't really ask me anything.
She gave this long overdrawn details about the job as if I had the job.
She only focused the most on the loss of my old job.
I'm not a good liar so I told the truth and I worry because of that I may not get it.
Then she asked if I was looking for other jobs.
What kinda question is that.
Who job searches one job at a time.
Then asked if I wanted the job.
Lady...you just told me you had a no show....so me showing up is a sign I want the job...no.
So aggravating
I swear if I went through all that just to be told we're gonna go with a different candidate might be just enough to push me.
I decided I'm just gonna pay for April rent.
Do doordash and see what happens.
I'd rather get evicted and plan from there then move back to grams or go to a shelter.
The overall plan is to work enough to catch up on some bills and maintain rent.
Then maybe by summer plan a trip to Vegas.
Get a balcony room on the highest floor possible.
Have a fun couple of days.
Then on the last day jump.
That's my dream now.
It's weird to try salvaging your life while planning the end of your life at the same time.
But I'm sure I want it to end but I have to be careful cs I can't do another psych ward.
Thanks for attending my TED Talk
Sad to face another day. Mad to face another day.
And what woke me was a disturbing dream of my ex.
I hope he's not planning on reaching out.
The last time I dreamed about him he definitely tried to get back in my good graces but I really am so over him.
I remember during our relationship how horrible I was to him and how aggravating he was to me.
One night was so terrible he choked me till I passed out.
So when I think of him I think how I wished he had killed me that night.
Anyway I took a long hot shower and during I thought God Please help me keep my place.
Am I not worthy of that.
I need to keep my place or at least be able to afford hotels.
I don't wanna move back home.
It's definitely not my home.
I have habits and a lifestyle that I need for me and having that taking away will be another numb crushing even I would have to cope with.
I'm waiting to hear back from a job that I somewhat interviewed for.
I say somewhat because she didn't really ask me anything.
She gave this long overdrawn details about the job as if I had the job.
She only focused the most on the loss of my old job.
I'm not a good liar so I told the truth and I worry because of that I may not get it.
Then she asked if I was looking for other jobs.
What kinda question is that.
Who job searches one job at a time.
Then asked if I wanted the job.
Lady...you just told me you had a no show....so me showing up is a sign I want the job...no.
So aggravating
I swear if I went through all that just to be told we're gonna go with a different candidate might be just enough to push me.
I decided I'm just gonna pay for April rent.
Do doordash and see what happens.
I'd rather get evicted and plan from there then move back to grams or go to a shelter.
The overall plan is to work enough to catch up on some bills and maintain rent.
Then maybe by summer plan a trip to Vegas.
Get a balcony room on the highest floor possible.
Have a fun couple of days.
Then on the last day jump.
That's my dream now.
It's weird to try salvaging your life while planning the end of your life at the same time.
But I'm sure I want it to end but I have to be careful cs I can't do another psych ward.
Thanks for attending my TED Talk
