Just rambling

[Some place nice]

Now that I don't feel as rushed anymore some stress has calmed down. I have been having mental breakdowns since Halloween, yesterday was the only night so far too not have them. I feel like one is creeping up on me and Idk if they are gonna get better since we're not moving anymore or if the lack of that stress is gonna make room for more. I know what they are about bc I always end up yelling at the gods and the universe about it. Ik I talk a lot about finding love but, that's bc I never had it. I'd get a crush on someone and immediately know that they don't like me the same way. I have learned to force my romantic feelings into platonic feelings and it hurts every time. I miss hugs from other people than my mom or sister. I miss talking to other people face to face or at least on a call. Ik I'm never gonna find that special someone in my lifetime. I get told that "love takes time" and that "I'm still young" but, they don't know about me ctbing. I always tell my bestest friend that "I can only find love in fantasy" and ig I didn't know how true it was. Ig I just kept holding out for hope until one day, it died. I wish I wasn't the butt of the joke for the gods and the universe. Forced to live a loveless sad life ig.