Just purchased SN...

[Rae82]

I have been trying to decide the best way to ctb and I have just purchased SN. I considered hanging and even jumping in front of a train but I just don't think I'd overcome SI with those methods.
I'm just so devastated that my life has come to this. I don't want to die, but I can't live with the condition I have. It's no life, so I don't have any other choice.
My symptoms are actually a living hell second by second and there's no cure. Prior to August of last year I was so happy and had a great life.
I have propranolol and a small amount of diazepam. I will order sodium bicarbonate and Buccastem when the SN is here and then I'll be taking it when my partner and daughter are out. I can't believe this has happened to me but I just cannot live this life in the state I'm in.
I am currently taking mirtazapine as it's the only way I sleep. Hopefully it won't react with any of the meds. In fact, I'm hoping it will help with the sickness, although I do totally expect to vomit.

 

[Stargazer100]

Doesn't it bother you that your partner or daughter will be the one to find you?

 

[Rae82]

Yes but what can I do? I plan to leave a note to say don't come upstairs and to call 999.

 

[Stargazer100]

If I found a note from my partner with that text, I would run the fuck upstairs first thing.
Your daughter depending on her age might not even look at any notes before running upstairs to see where daddy is at.

Maybe do it somewhere else where police or a stranger will find you?

 

[Rae82]

He is aware that I am suicidal because of my condition. He'll get a call off the nursery to say that I've not been to pick my daughter up and he'll know what's happened. It's not what I want at all but I honestly cannot go on how I am. I'm beyond devastated.

 

[Stargazer100]

What devestated you?

 

[noname223]

I have been trying to decide the best way to ctb and I have just purchased SN. I considered hanging and even jumping in front of a train but I just don't think I'd overcome SI with those methods.
I'm just so devastated that my life has come to this. I don't want to die, but I can't live with the condition I have. It's no life, so I don't have any other choice.
My symptoms are actually a living hell second by second and there's no cure. Prior to August of last year I was so happy and had a great life.
I have propranolol and a small amount of diazepam. I will order sodium bicarbonate and Buccastem when the SN is here and then I'll be taking it when my partner and daughter are out. I can't believe this has happened to me but I just cannot live this life in the state I'm in.
I am currently taking mirtazapine as it's the only way I sleep. Hopefully it won't react with any of the meds. In fact, I'm hoping it will help with the sickness, although I do totally expect to vomit.

Do you want to say what is your illness?

 

[All Things Must Pass]

Do you want to say what is your illness?

I also want to know.

 

[FuneralCry]

This life really can be cruel. It is hard to live a life of low quality, and chronic health problems can ruin our lives. I'm sorry you have had to deal with this. If this is what you want, then I wish you peace.

 

[Bullit]

He is aware that I am suicidal because of my condition. He'll get a call off the nursery to say that I've not been to pick my daughter up and he'll know what's happened. It's not what I want at all but I honestly cannot go on how I am. I'm beyond devastated.

What happened to you in August of 2020 that ruined your life,if I may ask?

 

[Rae82]

I have Empty Nose Syndrome. I have no resistance in my nose when I breathe and can't sense the airflow properly which puts me in constant fight or flight. My breathing is manual and I can't sleep without meds. My nose is bone dry. It's debilitating.