I just received good news ie it looks like they can't keep me on medication anymore and have to respect my choice ( and 16 years of lived experience...but they don't care about that part.) This is unexpected and very good news and yet I still want to die. It's becoming obvious that I want to ctb in a very clinical pros cons fashion. Things are starting to look up yet I am so upset about the past. Anyone else experienced the oddity of getting good news or things looking up yet still wanting to die. It's odd.
My fiance left me after my first attempt, and for a few days I didn't even give ctb much thought, despite my fear of losing her being one of my main reasons for going through with the attempt in the first place. But now, with every step I take toward rebuilding my life, my desire to kick the bucket just gets harder to ignore. I think in my case, it's a consequence of shame and hopelessness.
Either way, I'm glad you're not being force-fed medication anymore
Either way, I'm glad you're not being force-fed medication anymore
Yes, I do know what you mean. I guess we all regularly assess how we are feeling and how things are in our lives. Even at the more positive times, I will ask myself the question- 'so, do you still want to die?' I haven't yet answered 'no'... despite the circumstances... It always seems like my best option! (So long as there's nothing after this I guess).
Euthanza
Self Righteous Suicide
- Jun 9, 2022
- 1,446
